Dominating Husband

65|| His Pain

" Sidharth " Shehnaaz called waking up from her slumber with a jerk . Sidharth who was checking files caressing her head with his other hand quickly looked at her keeping the file aside .

" Shehnaaz " Sidharth said cupping her face .

She looked at him with her tear filled eyes , " Baba kya hua bura sapna dekha " he said tucking her hairs back .

( What happened dear , you had nightmare )

" Sidharth hamara Bacha " she said and sobbed breaking his every once of strength to hold himself back strong infront of her .

( Our Baby )

" Maine dekha chota sa bacha garden me khel raha tha Sidharth " she said fresh tears rolled down from her cheeks .

( I saw a small child playing in the garden )

" Sana roo mat sweatheart tabiyat kharab hojayegi . Tumne aj chotu se bat ki hai na vo khel raha tha na , haa video call par isleye isa sapna aya hoga baby kuch nahi hota sojao " he said . Because today evening when he came back home at 6 in the evening itself , to stick on her side . Sidharth video called Chotu and kept the phone in her hand suddenly like an surprise .

( Don't cry sweatheart you will worsen your health . You had talked to Chotu on video call today while he was playing that why it must had come . Now rest )

Seeing chotu , hearing his voice shehnaaz could not hold her tears it ran down freely making chotu worry and threatening Sidharth that he is coming to take his sanu di back home as he ( Sid ) is making her cry .

After sometime she slept in his embarce , he carefully laid her back covering her with duvet .

Next morning she was same as she is going back to her previous self . Sidharth made sure she followed her diet and medicine showing his stren face . Her mother tried everything to make her feel good by preparing all her favourite food .

" Shehnaaz meri file nahi dek rahi kaha hai " he asked , she didn't replied seeing their closed door . He deliberately asking for the non existing file to have a conversation with her as she seems lost again .

( Where is my file ? )

" Shehnaaz kuch puch raha hu na " he said again moving to her side .

( I'm asking something right ? )

" Hm " she said looking at him when he stood infront of her .

" Kaha khoi hue ho ? Kab se bula raha hu " he said sitting beside her . She kept looking at him when he laid back on his back keeping his arm on his own face saying " Pata hai mai tab shayad 5 saal ka tha , mujhe tho pata bhi nahi tha Marna kise kehte hai " .

( Where are you lost ? I'm calling you )

( You know I was just 5 I even didn't knew what death is )

Pausing for few seconds he continued " jab maa baba ki bodies ayi thi ghar pe , sab relatives friends se bhar gaye the ghar par . Mujhe laga tha shayad koi party ho Bacha tha yaar chota sa huh lakin tab maine dadu ko roote hue dekha tha pehele bar . Bas vahi first aur last time tha jab maine unhe Tut the hue dekha tha . Vo aj bhi unhe yaad karte hai , aj bhi unki Jaan un tasviro me hai jo mere Baba ki unhone chupa kar rakhi hai . Apne bache ko apne ankho ke samne ise dekna " his throat was betraying him tear escaped through his eye making Shehnaaz immediately held his hand giving him the support , its first time he is sharing something from his past about his parents . They never had this conversation . Her own tears escaped thinking about the little boy he was and about dadu going through this phase .

( When mom and dad bodies were brought to house , all the friends and relatives came . I thought their is some party in the house . I was kid back then , I saw my grandpa crying . It was first and last when he cried . They are still fresh in his memories , today also he looks at my father's album .His life is still in their , in the pictures . Seeing his child like that was .. )

" Us din ke bad mere liye vo aur unke liye main bas , humne hamre kushi phir se dundle ek dusre ke smile me . Dadu ne mujhe itna pyaar diya ki maine kabhi mud kar nahi dekha piche . Roona galat nahi hai Sana , apne emotions ko chupana galat hai lakin roote hue usi jagah par rukjana bahut galat hai " he continued holding himself into her warmth .

( After that day , for me he was and for him I was their . That's it , we found our happiness back in eachother smile . Grandpa loved me so much that I never looked back again . Crying is not bad Sana infact we should let our emotions out freely but crying , sticking to the bad phase not moving further is wrong )

" Ise hadse pehele bar nahi hua hai mere life me , par jo pain ab ho raha hai na isa pehele kabhi nahi hua . Mera bhi bacha tha yaar vo mujhe bhi dhuk hai , mai kaise nahi bacha Paya apne bache ko , kaise tumhe akele chod diya tha us din gusse me agar mai tumara saat nahi chodta us din shayad hamara bacha hamare saat hota , hum khush rahte . Tum khush rahte " he said last line seeing in her eyes . He is blaming himself for it that hit very badly to Shehnaaz . She made him feel this way , no it's not his fault as it's not your too the situation was such that he was angry that evening he just didn't want to hurt her in his anger she understands him that well .

( It's not first incident that I faced , but the pain I'm feeling I didn't felt in my whole life . That was my child too , how can I not protect my child . Why did I left you that day in my anger . If I would have stayed back with you that day may be it wouldn't have happened . We would have been happy , you would have been happy )

" Nahi Sidharth ap khud ko mat blame karo aapki koi galti nahi hai , main he ... " Was cut of by him saying " tumari bhi koi galti nahi hai Sana " he said .

( No Sidharth , don't blame yourself their is no fault of yours . I was .. )

( Their is no fault of your too )

She felt her pain is nothing infront of the man ( dadu ) who had lost his young Son and daughter-in-law still showing his strong self to them , the man had lived every second of their life and here she didn't even knew the existence of her child untill it left her . He is smiling , standing back strong for his family and here she is hurting them . And the moment she decided , she will not hurt them anymore . Ofcourse it would take time but she will try harder for him , for them .

" It was just our destiny " she mumbled keeping her forehead on his .

" Everything is alright " Doctor said checking shehnaaz reports making Sidharth breathe in relief , he looked at her squeezing her hand . Shehnaaz just nodded at him . They were here for the last check up , doctor had permitted to let her join back to college . Change of environment, friends and she keeps herself busy will heal her mental health .

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