I hate you too

I blew my shot

Bucky's POV

I slowly made my way to my room, dragging the tops of my feet on the floor. I went to open my door when I heard a zip from the room opposite me. I decide to gain the courage to speak to her again.

I take a deep breath in and open the door and lean against the door-frame.

"Hey" I say coolly, whilst I'm screaming inside."

"Oh. it's just you. Would you mind stepping outside and shutting the door." She responded by taking a quick glance at me. I laughed at the joke she make before I folded my arms."

"what do you want?" She replied angrily, crossing her arms to mimic me. The guilt started to set in my stomach as to why she was angry."

"Steve said you're leaving tomorrow" I replied to her question with a hint of sadness I don't think she noticed.

"Yeah and, still doesn't explain why you're here?" oh no, this is going badly.

"I wanted to see if he was telling the truth." I already knew he was telling the truth... thinking about it, I don't really know why I decided to come in here. This was a terrible idea. My conversations with Sam wearing the wig were not like this. They probably didn't think she would be angry though, probably because I didn't tell them about what happened...

I shifted uncomfortably waiting for her to reply.

"Well he is, so you can leave now." she said gesturing for me to leave, which is what I should've done... before I said something stupid.

"Wow, what got you so moody? PMS?" at that moment I wanted to curl up into a ball and die, unfortunately, I couldn't do that at this moment.

That's when she burst. She was very angry that I haven't made an effort to try and talk to her since that day and I really wanted to, but I couldn't for some reason. I don't know why but that caused me to get angry. Not actual me obviously. The actual me is the opposite of angry. The actual me wants to hold her close. The actual me want to kiss her. But the other me doesn't want that.

Deep down I think I'm not good enough and that I dont deserve the nice things I get so I made a new me. One that was fearless, one that was intelligent, But sometimes I can't control the other me.

I made the other me a while after Steve saved me from H.Y.D.R.A because I didn't want to show the soft and emotional me to Steve. I thought that would be stupid. Now I've gotten closer to Steve since then, I realised I wouldn't have been stupid. I was only stupid because I hid all my true feelings away.

Y/n yelled at me for a while before she said something.

"And maybe I cared because I like you" after I heard that, I couldn't hear what she said next. I was too shocked to think that she actually liked me.

"What. You like me?"

"Didn't you hear me, I said I LIKED you. There is no way in hell I like you now."

I was shot in the heart. Of course she didn't like me. That is typical luck for me.

"Oh" was all I managed to get out of my mouth before I left the room. I was surprised I managed to get any word out after that.

I walked into my room and lay face-up toward the ceiling.

No. That didn't just happen. I just blew my shot. Why do I have to be such a fucking idiot all the time? I would give anything to start over right now.

I lifted my non-metal hand to my face and rubbed my eyes.

I blew my shot.