Tequila Talkin' (Rick Grimes)

seven

'Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.'
Douglas Coupland

Violet's POV

After the CDC, Rick just squeezed my hand and said we could talk about this at some point. I just rolled my eyes and followed Shane to his jeep. I was completely done at that point. I was sick and tired of being around Rick and his family. He was playing mind games and playing with my feelings. If he cared so much about Lori, why did he sleep with me that night before? To make things more complicated and awkward between us?

"Vi, what the fuck was that back there? You almost got us killed!" Shane hollered at me as he drove down the road.

I just scoffed "Dont scream at me! You should have just let me make my own decisions. That's unfair,"

"Its fucking stupid to sit there and kill yourself!" He shouted and hit the steering wheel, all angry. "You're smarter than that!"

I sighed, nearly wanting to cry, overwhelmed. "I'm not doing this, Shane. Just drop me the fuck off somewhere."

"I can't just drop you off somewhere? What is your problem?" He questioned. "Is it Rick?"

"Yes, it's Rick. It's all too much and it's shitty," I sighed and felt the wind blowing my braids around. Shane had the top of the jeep down.

"You have to just let it be. If he wants to stay with Lori, man, then thats that." Shane sighed.

"Sucks for you too then huh?" I questioned knowing his scratches weren't from his sleep. You could nearly hear Lori and him fighting through the walls, luckily Rick wasn't downstairs at the moment or he would've heard it too. Maybe it would've been a good thing for me if he had.

"Yea, sure." He retorted and turned the radio up, ending the conversation. He squeezed my leg, letting me know it was okay but that was the end of that.

__________

We all stopped to downsize vehicles to save gas and syphon it from the other few cars. Everyone in the RV except the Grimes and Peletiers in another car with Daryl on his brother's motorcycle.

    Shane sat at the table with Andrea teaching her how to clean her pistol. I slouched in the back on the couch looking out the window, feeling like today wasn't even real. Like what we went through was all make believe and we're in some story. I wish that was the case.

     I finally made the decision to be done with Rick. It was unhealthy, it was betrayal and it wasn't okay to be messing with him if he considers himself married still. If Lori wanted to act outside her marriage, thats on her. I wont be part of the toxicity any longer.

      We came up on the highway and there were so many vehicles parked everywhere we could hardly make it through with the RV made a loud noise and smoke erupted from it once again. "Damn it," Shane stated and Dale stopped the RV.

      We all hopped out of the RV, meeting with the others. "There's a whole bunch of stuff we can find here. We can syphon more gas. Maybe water or food." I said looking at the others.

    "This is a graveyard.I don't know how I feel about this," Lori replied.

    "C'mon y'all. Look around, gather what you can." Shane ordered.

    I walked over to a car, looking inside seeing a carseat for a baby, blood all over it. I grimaced but opened the passenger's seat door. There wasn't anything intriguing but I found cigarettes in the glove box with a lighter in the pack. I shrugged, grabbing one and lighting it.

     I took a long drag, savoring the feeling that washed over me. The nicotine buzz felt nice. It felt good to actually feel something. "Didn't know you smoked. Can I bum one?" Daryl asked walking up.

     I just nodded and passed the pack to the man. "You can keep them. I just wanted one." I said.

    "Thanks, ya know where to find em'." He replied. I nodded, giving a small smile and he walked off.

      I could see Shane and Glenn found a truck full of water jugs, them basically drowning themselves in water. I smiled knowing we had water to last us a while now. It wasn't but a minute later Rick was shoving me under a car. "Shh." He whispered and took off, leaving me under the truck. Lots of bodies started passing by the vehicle, I felt my heart pounding against my chest. I was scared. I always considered myself strong and brave, I was a police officer but this world is something you just aren't trained for.

     Minutes passed by and it felt like a lifetime as the walkers kept walking by. I heard a scream sounding like Sophia, then a moment later Carol was crying. I slowly made my way out from under the truck and everyone surrounded Carol who was freaking out. Sophia got chased down into the woods by a walker.

___________

      As nighttime fell Rick, Daryl and I approached the group back after trying to track Sophia but it was a loss. We couldn't find her anywhere, the tracks ran cold. "You didn't find her?" Carol questioned.

     "Her trail ran cold. We'll pick it back up tomorrow at first light." Rick stated.

    "You can't leave my daughter out there on her own to spend the night alone in the woods.." Carol replied, crying. I can't imagine her pain right now. Losing a child, the worst pain in the world.

     "Out in the dark's no good. We'd just be tripping over ourselves. More people get lost." Daryl implied. Daryl told her how we cut open a walker to see what it had in it's digestive system, making sure it wasn't Sophia. It was a woodchuck.

     As Lori tried to calm Carol down by standing outside with her, I made my way into the RV and sat down at the table. Everyone was outside talking about our plan for tomorrow when I heard the door open and close. It was Rick, go figure. "I told them I needed to talk to you. Deputy to Deputy about what happened at the CDC."

     "I do not want to talk to you unless it has to do with the group, got it?" I said sternly. I needed to be alone. I couldn't mess with him anymore. It was over, done with.

     "Why are you acting this way, Vi? C'mon now. You said everything was fine." He looked at me and tossed his sheriff hat onto the table.

     "That was before you decided to sleep with me again and then I realized my feelings ran deeper than I thought. Its hard watching you be a husband to someone else, even though you're not much of one by what we did the other night." I jested and sat back down, staring at his hat that laid on the table. Reminded me of the normal days.

      "Don't be like that. We shouldn't have, we were both drunk and the emotions were running. I didn't mean it." He replied. It felt like a knife stabbed right through my heart.

     I felt the sadness building in my chest "Please, don't fucking talk to me again and I mean it, Rick." I spat, walking past him and out the RV.