Rejecting Him Back

9. I Fucked Up (Aiden)

Aiden's POV

I fucked up. Badly.

My wolf is growling inside me in agreement.

Ever since I uttered the dammed words to reject our true mate, my relationship with my wolf has turned as downhill as it gets. He is constantly trying to overpower my human side, camping himself close to the surface, waiting for the perfect moment to steal the show and make amends with his "little one."

That's what he calls Violet, the tiny red-haired girl that showed up and turned our world upside down.

Yesterday, when we witnessed that disgusting excuse for a wolf, Tyler Dagon, walk towards her, my control over the wolf nearly slipped.

He wanted to murder our enemy for even looking at her. But what made it worse is that I wasn't very far behind him on that idea. I had been one second away from allowing my wolf to come forward and turn his desire into reality, especially after one week of denying our instincts.

The only thing that stopped me was the fiery look that Violet gave me, claiming I had no right to do it. Her baby blue eyes fixed on my face with hurt all over them, forcing me to stop.

I hate that I hurt her. I hate that she was right. I could not claim her in such a public way after altogether rejecting her in private. It was cruel; I was being cruel.

After witnessing her completely fall apart last night, I now understand just how brutal my actions towards her were.
It doesn't matter that I wanted to protect her. All I did was hurt her unforgivingly.

I followed her and her friends last night as they walked to the university's dorm building, wanting to make sure that she got to her room alright. Even with the building being full of beating hearts and loud noises, the mating pull helped me hone in on my little one's breathing.
I stayed outside, waiting until her small breaths turned even and deep, signifying she was finally resting.

Only after an hour of standing there, listening to her sleep, did I feel comfortable enough to allow my wolf to come forward and burn off the massive amount of pent-up energy inside us. If I didn't, the next time I felt angry, I would be unable to stop the change. This can't happen because even though my wolf and I agree on many things, he is still an animal with violent instincts and no rational thoughts stopping him. I'm his human counterpart, and it's my job to keep him under control. As alpha, especially with our strength, we can be extremely dangerous to everyone around us.

There is only one person in the world who should never have to fear us hurting her. Well...at least physically. Because emotionally, I'm the one who has hurt her the most.

So yeah, I fucked up. Badly.

I'm sitting here, waiting for dawn to come, after running for three hours straight, contemplating just how miserably I acted.
The image of her stunning face overflowing with tears as she looked at me, asking who would protect her from me, is haunting my fucking soul. It aches deep within me to see how much pain I caused her.

I really thought I was doing the right thing. I had once witnessed just how far our enemies would go to get what they wanted. When my eyes locked on hers and Violet Knight became my everything, my first feeling was an insane amount of happiness and warmth. But, as soon as the mating pull started to settle in my chest, panic came and overpowered any other thoughts.

She would be my weakness, and I would be her damnation.

But if my rejection is making her suffer even half as much as it's making me, then she's fucking right. I was the one she needed protection from.

The fact that something had never hurt me so profoundly as her rejecting me back should have been my first clue. Fucking asshole.

Shit. I should let her brother beat me bloody. I fucking deserve it. I deserve worse.