My Ex-Bestfriend

Texting or sexting?

As I lay in bed pondering the events of the day relief washes over me. Things could have been a lot worse. Michael hasn't mentioned the L word...lawyers since our original encounter. Not that I think we are in the clear yet but it seems he is content with taking things slowly. He seems sincere with Walt and more importantly Walt seems to enjoy this new situation. A smile stretches across my face when I hear my phone chime to see who it's from.

Michael: I had a lot of fun today....thanks.

I read and then re-read his text realizing that Michael is in his own place thinking of me as well.

Me: Thank you for the fun? Or producing a child you can have fun with ;)?

It's so easy for me to fall back into the normal jesting banter with Michael. It's all I have known and it's hard to keep things ''serious" with him.

Michael: Technically that child is 50% mine but since my contribution was probably a minute I will concede the thank you to you.

A wave of laughter rips through me. He legit just joked about how he was a minute man. I mean it was his first time and we were teenagers so he gets a lot of grace. For the record by the end of the week his game had greatly improved.

Me: Aww that's cute. You think you lasted a minute.

I can't believe he is actually mentioning our teen sex life. A topic he often tries to avoid. Skirting around it but never addressing it head on. Not sure if it's due to shame or embarrassment. Maybe adding humor to it will help lighten it up. Maybe after all this time it was just two friends experimenting. I thought it was love and passion but maybe to Michael it was just trust and exploration?! It would be nice to know his thoughts on it but I feel like we can only tackle one major life event a week and right now he focus is on Walt. 

I see the dots forming with his reply. Did I take it too far? I hope he knows I'm kidding. I honestly don't remember how long he lasted. My heart is racing as if I am taking a free fall.

Michael: I think I should get some grace cause...

1. It was my first time.

2. I wasn't wearing a condom (obviously...hence Walt)

3. Your naked body should be outlawed for first timers, it's just not possible to last longer.

My jaw is on the floor. My vision is blurry and I feel like dazed. Did Michael just say I was ....HOT?

 He never so much has thrown any form of a compliment about sex appeal and me in a sentence. NEVER. When we were teens he acted like I was more or less a nun or a separate gender from women. Not a man but also not a female. Forever firmly planted in the dreaded friend zone. Michael had to be blind to not recognize my lingering stares growing up. He knew that at any moment he could change the dynamic between us. I didn't even realize he found me attractive til that night when he saw me fresh out of the shower. That was the one and only time he looked at me like how I had seen him oogle every girl on the cheer team. 

I blink again and re-read his message. My cheeks flush and my heart stampedes.

Me: Ok fine. I'll give you an A for effort and the only saving grace was your post coitus cuddle skills.

It's true. He could have just left after. I always wondered why he didn't. He stayed every-single-night holding me on his chest til we both succumb to slumber before he would sneak out in the morning. I didn't feel dirty or cheap that we weren't officially together, actually he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. I think it's why it felt so much worse when it abruptly ended.