It was a dark kind of realization. The realization that he had messed up. He had screwed up big time, and knew he couldn't keep it a secret forever. Obama had to come to terms with the fact he was pregnant with Bo Burnham's child and not Michelle's. Because she's totally trans you know. Literally everyone knows that how are you so dumb. Obama thinks you're a little bitch.
He sighed as he stared down at the positive pregnancy test on the table below him. He had to tell Bo- after all, he was the father. He would know what he should do with the baby, and how to hide it from Michelle. Or if he even should hide it from Michelle. Wait, should Michelle get to have custody? Was that fair? What the fuck was Obama doing with his life, ending up in a fanfic like this?
After sitting for a while and contemplating everything, Obama finally decided on the best choice he had- and automatic self-abortion. He would just kill himself.
He slowly walked to the other side of the room, roughly slamming the chair back into its place underneath the table. Obama ignored the high pitched moan the table gave him as a response to the rough treatment as he reached the dresser.
Obama stared down at the small hand gun in the drawer he just opened. He began to reach for the gun when he heard the door to the room open. He spun around, having no time to hide the pregnancy test.
"Oh my god gurrrl what is wroooooonnng," Shrek said in a concerned yet excited voice as he entered the room ever so quickly. He then saw the pregnancy test and his jaw dropped.
"OH-EM-GEE is it miiiine?" Shrek asked, shrieking in happiness.
Obama was very taken back by the audacity of that question, it took him a sussy amount of time to answer that question.
"No.. Shrek, that was months ago…" Obama said in disappointment, "It's… It's Bo's." He really wished things were different. Shrek and his yummy green layers were just so beautiful and sussy it was hard to keep himself loyal to both Bo and Michelle. But the man doesn't have to know.
"Hunnie… It's okay," Shrek said, opening his huge burly arms and taking Obama into a nice juicy green hug.
Obama sobbed and burrowed his head into Shrek's sexy green layers. The smell of his layers was just like onions, which only made Obama cry more, but that was okay.
"We need to tell both Michelle and Bo first," Shrek cooed, stroking Obama's almost bald sussy little head.
"I-I… I can't," Obama sobbed. There were so many things the lonely sussy bakas around him didn't know that made him feel like such an imposter. This pregnancy would just be the opening of the floodgates to the damm of secrets.
"Why, guuuuuuuuurl?" Shrek questioned, concerned for his lifelong crush and sexy co-worker of the local
sussy strip club in the realm of pizza.
Obama closed his eyes tightly, regretting everything.
He breathed out slowly, ready to admit things.
"Michelle can't know I'm a lampost."
