Lost Soul

Part 16 : let me go

Kelly was not understanding Stella's thought process, he was trying to keep his calm. But he felt his blood boil, it was a normal reaction but he was trying to measure it so that he wouldn't be rude to Stella.

"Why?" He then calmly asked.

Without really realizing it his hand was closed in a fist. And maybe that was his way of controlling the way he'd talk back to her.

"Because i need it, this is the last step i need to make towards finally letting the thought of Grant go" she explained.

"You don't need to go see him for that, you're more than him Stella" he said a bit hurt to see that she was firm on her idea.

"I know i am more than him and it's exactly why i need to go see him" she explained "look, with or without you i will go. I just need to know you're with me in this"

"I don't get it" he left the table and walked to the couch to then sit.

He was rubbing his hands together, part of him was selfish and refusing for Stella to go see that man. But he was trying harder than anything to understand what she was explaining to him. So she got up and sat at his side on the couch, she slid her hand into his. She could feel him being tense.

"I don't want you to think i am going just for the sake of seeing Grant" she said but she saw he wasn't looking at her "hey, look at me".

Stella was a bit more confident in her gestures and in the way she was touching Kelly. And Kelly could feel that. So he turned his face and looked at her, a bit mad but he didn't want her to know.

"I'm listening" he gently said.

"In therapy with Dr Charles, we talked about so many things. If i really had to tell you about it all, i would be here all day. The point is this is my next step, i never felt this urge of wanting to let go of Grant. But now everything is different, i feel different. I don't know what clicked, I actually have no idea but something did and for the sake of our relationship and my life. I need this. I need to let go of Grant once and for all or else he will forever be a ghost in my life" she explained "and i don't want to wake up one day, and mistake you for him. You don't deserve it"

Kelly took a deep breath "i want to say I understand, but i've never been there. I know that in order to finally be free there's a process and i trust you more than anything. Now i can't hide the fact that right now my blood is boiling, and i'd rather not see this man's face paralyzed or not"

"I know" she caressed his face "but everything is going to be okay, yeah?"

He nodded and she left a sweet and gentle kiss on his lips. She offered him a smile and then went into the room, they had to get ready. So he went to shower as he left Stella alone, he wasn't sure what she was doing but he knew not to interrupt her. So he showered and got dressed, and as he was waiting for her she finally showed up to put an envelope in her purse. Her eyes were puffy and red.

"Did you cry? Are you ok?" He was concerned as he lifted her face up.

"I'm ok, i am going to shower and then we can go"

He nodded, he wasn't sure what had happened for her to cry like that, but if she didn't reply it's because she didn't want him to know. She wasn't feeling ready just yet to tell him why, she got ready. And they left.

The drive there was rather quiet, Stella was sure that was the next step she wanted to take. But that didn't stop her from being afraid, in fact any time she had to see Grant its like her whole world was shifting. They arrived at the rehabilitation center and Kelly parked, Stella's hands were sweating and she wasn't sure anymore if she wanted to do this. They got out of the car.