Slip Away

Don't cut me down, Throw me out

Breaking up with Ana... wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.

It's obvious that it wasn't really working between them. Probably never had.

But Eddie felt guilty as he watched a lot of emotions flicker in Ana's eyes while his were nothing but relieved.

He watched her as she stood, bid him farewell and walked away. She's a good person, she deserves better. Eddie just knows that isn't him. It never was.

She would have realized that too, somewhere down the line. He couldn't be the man she wants him to be. The real him is too different from what she is used to. Eddie and Edmundo are worlds apart, even if they're the same person.

Also he's too in love with Buck. But even if he wasn't, he just knows that it wouldn't have lasted.

**

The monthly family union at the Grant-Nash residence was one of Eddie's favorite days. It's everything his family reunions back in Texas or sometimes even here in LA when they decide to visit never were. Diaz family reunions were nice, of course, in their own way. But they always came with his parents jabs about his life decisions, how he raises Christopher, or generally his existence. Then there are the conservative uncles and aunts. Generally speaking just if it were just his cousins in the family reunion and his aunt Peppa, Abuela, and his sisters, maybe the family reunions would be more bearable.

But the 118 and their extended family are warm, homey. It is more of a family than Eddie's ever was. And seeing them all under a roof never fails to warm Eddie's heart.

But not this time.

Because Buck barely said two words to him since he walked in. He is normal around Chris, warm as ever (Thank God), but everytime Eddie tries to talk to him it's like he just...shuts off.

And everyone is side-eyeing him, like they're waiting for him to do something. He sees Athena eye him with concern. He thinks even Chris notices something is wrong because he looks between him and Buck with narrowed eyes and immediately beelines to where Denny and Harry are.

(He's grateful that Hen offered to take Chris for a sleepover with Harry and Denny after the party is over because he truly can't deal with the questions today.)

Buck then immediately spouts some excuse and is over the other side of the room, as far from Eddie as he can get.

It's getting on Eddie's nerves. Everything about this is. He hasn't felt this angry in a while. Like he wants to break something.

Anger is easy. Easier than feeling like his heart is snagging on his ribs with every single beat at least. He knows how it feels. Every time he feels anger it's like an old friend. He knows how to get through it, but he doesn't know how to even breathe through the lump in his throat.

So yeah, anger is easier to deal with, so he lets every other emotion he feels fuel it. The hurt he feels from this situation is no different.

He wonders if the rage room Bobby mentioned is open today and if anyone minds if he cuts this short to go break some shit instead. Frank said healthy outlets after all. Maybe that's not what the guy had in mind when he said it, but still.

He eyes where Buck is sitting with Maddie, chatting with his sister, Baby Jee on his lap.

Eddie's feet move automatically, carrying him to where Buck was. And before Eddie can think it through, he's right in front of Buck. The conversation between Maddie and Buck halts, and Eddie feels bad for all of a second before moving forward.

"Hey Eddie!" Greeted Maddie, getting up to give Eddie a hug which he returned.

" Hey Maddie. May I borrow Buck for a moment?"