During The Break

Why now?

"You're insane for suggesting that! How can you even ask me that right after we had sex? Or did you want to have your fun and then make me leave? After all, it's been about a year, you said it yourself." Lindsey pulled away, sighing. He sat with his head in his hands, then glanced at Stevie over his shoulder. "Forgive me. You know I didn't mean that."

She did, that's why she didn't dwell on what he said. "I care about your children, Lindsey. They are so much more important than I am. Whether we're together or not, you know that I will always love you, but leaving the mother of your three precious kids? You don't know how they would take it. I can't be responsible for you losing them."

"Who says I'll lose them? They're not really kids anymore anyway."

"I'm too old to be a homewrecker, Linds. I'm tired... We should have done this sooner if we wanted to. Why now? Why all of a sudden you decided Kristen doesn't make you happy? That your home doesn't feel like home anymore?"

"You think I realized that just now? While marrying her, I was thinking about you, Steph. How it was supposed to be you. It's always been you! I made a mistake, I got another woman pregnant and you pushed me away, because you're the most selfless person I know. You sacrificed your happiness for someone else's. I'm sick of seeing you hurting. You try to mask it, to pretend you're okay, but you're not. Every time that we have to say goodbye, I catch that longing look in your eyes, I feel how you press yourself a little closer to me, hold onto me for a little longer, when you kiss me on the cheek, you make sure to catch the corner of my lips. Stevie, I know, feel and see all of it."

"I wish I could have let you go when I was meant to. I wish I didn't love you."

"You don't mean it."

"I won't ruin your family. I won't." She stopped wiping her tears away, letting them fall freely. "We can't be sure we'd work out. What then?"

He slipped under the covers, wrapping his arm around her shaking shoulders from crying. She didn't resist it, leaning into him, instead. "But you won't even give us a chance."

"You can't take this risk, Lindsey."

"I wish you weren't this stubborn."

"It's not about being stubborn, it's about doing the right thing."

"I get what you're saying, but Stevie, I'm miserable. Do you honestly think that if I was happily married I would still be in love with my ex girlfriend? I would think of touching her, kissing her, making love to her?"

"Maybe you're just crazy. Kristen is a beautiful, much younger woman than I am."

"That's true. But you have one thing that she doesn't."

"What's that?"

"My heart."

Stevie couldn't think of much to say after that. She was crying in his chest while he tried to soothe her, yet nothing worked. They spent another hour like this and it was getting light outside. She had calmed down and her breathing returned to normal. He thought she had fallen asleep, but she was simply staring at one spot.

"We're not done talking, just so you know."

"Yes, we are. There's nothing more to discuss."

"There is, Stevie. We'll come back to this."

"No, we won't."

"Yes, we will."

"No."

"Stevie, yes! God..." Lindsey exhaled deeply, getting out of bed. He gathered his clothes and dressed up, while Stevie lay in bed, clutching the sheets with her fists. "I'm only leaving because I have some things to do, but I'm coming back later today."

"Don't. Please, at least not today."

"We'll see each other today again. I know you and I know I'll lose you otherwise." She was exhausted, she couldn't argue any more with him. Sighing heavily she signaled her defeat. "I love you." She didn't say it back, collapsing in tears once again.

Lindsey couldn't drive back home straight away. He took some time to compose himself, Kristen would know something had happened seeing him in this state. Although, she did tell him he wasn't welcome in the house...

As he stepped through the front door, Lindsey was instantly met by her intense stare. Here we go, he thought... But she didn't yell, she ran into his arms and he didn't have much choice than to hold her for a moment.

"You're back. My God, Lindsey you're back!" She crashed her mouth over his, before continuing to speak. "I'm so sorry I told you not to come back, I didn't mean it, honey. I love you. I'm so glad you're home!"

"Not for long."

Kristen drew back confused. "What do you mean, not for long?"

"I need to pack some things, clothes, toiletries, a couple of my guitars..."

"But why? Where are you going?"

Lindsey sighed, looking everywhere, before his eyes concentrated on hers. "I'm leaving, Kristen."

"Leaving?"

He nodded. "I'm leaving you."

~

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