During The Break

I can't reach her

"You were fucking her then."

"I wasn't when we talked about this earlier, I didn't lie to you."

"Oh but you did after that! Were you driving over there just because of that?!"

"Kristen, you don't have to scream. You won't change anything. I know you're hurt and upset, but I've made a decision. Yes, it has a lot to do with Stevie, but not all of it. I'm just not happy anymore. Not that I have ever truly been... You gave me children, but... I've never felt about you the way I have always felt about Stevie."

"Are you going back to her?"

"I don't think so. She doesn't want to see me."

"You've gotta be kidding! The woman doesn't even want you back, Lindsey!"

"Like I told you, I want divorce not just because of Stevie. I'm miserable and I know you're unhappy too. We don't do anything together, Kristen. We're too different. We did great in raising our kids, but we've never been good as partners or lovers."

"Have you thought what Will, Leelee and Stella will think about you leaving them?"

"I'm not leaving them, I'm leaving you. And I'm sorry, but I really can't do this right now. I have too much going on, I need to get out. I will come back, to get all of my things some other day." Lindsey said, already climbing up the stairs to get what he initially came here for.

"So, that's it? Just like that?"

"It might look like it, but it's far from being easy. Kristen, I've been with you for a long time, we were a family and I'm walking out and into unknown. It's very hard, but I have to. You deserve someone better than me."

"I love you." 

He hung his head, sighing heavily, then without another word, continued walking upstairs.

With his things in the back of his car, Lindsey leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. What now? Where was he supposed to go? He left his wife, the woman he was in love with, didn't want him, leaving him all alone. But he wasn't going to just give up. He turned on the engine and headed back to Stevie's. He knocked on the door, rang the bell again and again, but nobody opened. Was she inside and not letting him in or had he made her go on one of her spontaneous trips to Hawaii, to escape for a while?

Lindsey took out his phone and rang the house number. Nothing. He dialed Stevie's phone number for emergencies. Nothing. He cursed loudly, putting his hand up to his forehead. Karen! But sure Stevie had already told her assistant to cover for her... On the other hand, what else did he have to lose?

"Karen, thank God!"

"Buckingham? What's up?"

"Are you with Stevie by any chance?"

"I'm at home, fresh out of the shower."

"Erm.. good to know. Have you talked to her?"

"No. What's wrong, Lindsey? You don't just call me like that."

"Nothing, just that I can't reach her."

"Oh, well maybe she's having a power nap. You know that there's no way she'll here the phone if she's sleeping."

"Right, of course. You're most likely right. But if you do get to speak to Stevie, call me back, okay?"

"Sure."

He stuck his phone back into his pocket and got back in the car. His only option was a hotel room, he wasn't going to sleep in the car, was he? That's where he headed after pulling out of Stevie's driveway.

All things were left in the trunk of his car. Lindsey only took one of his guitars with him and went to the room he booked. He fell down heavily on the bed and closed his eyes. It was only after four in the afternoon, but with the lack of sleep the night before and everything that happened this morning, he felt utterly exhausted. He drifted off almost immediately and woke up hours later, cursing that he slept through the day, instead of trying to get in contact with Stevie.

Reaching for his phone, he called her again numerous times, but she didn't answer. He sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Lindsey couldn't think of a single reason why going downstairs and getting smashed wasn't the right idea.

He went through a bottle of whiskey by himself, the alcohol going straight to his head. When the barman suggested that it was enough, Lindsey got off the bar stool and was heading towards the elevators, then stopped abruptly. How on earth did it take him so long to think of Stevie's condo!

Lindsey called himself a car and repeated Stevie's address a couple of times until the driver got it. He thrust a few bills into the man's hand and stumbled out of the car once they got there. Like earlier the same day, Lindsey's fingers were going numb from pressing the bell. Again, no answer. He cursed, kicked and hit the wall with his fist. He was going to get her attention one way or the other.

"Stephanie Lynn Nicks! Steph! Stevie! Baby! Angel!" He yelled at the top of his lungs outside the apartment building. "I know you're in there! I want to see you, sweetheart! I'm making a complete fool of myself, but it's because I'm so in love with you, baby!"

Some man stuck his head through the window. "Get lost, you moron!"

"Did you hear that, Steph? I'm a moron!" His words were slurred and he was having trouble standing on his feet. "So be it! I'm a fucking idiot, but I want you to come out! Please, Stevie!"

"Shut up or I'm calling the cops!" Now a woman shouted.

"I'm not leaving, Stevie! And I will wait for those cops to drag me out of here! But I'm not leaving you, you hear me?! I love you!" Some more declarations of love followed, before Lindsey saw the heavy doors of the building open and there was Stevie, coming towards him.

"Have you gone literally insane?!"

"STEVIE!"

"Yeah, I think the whole street knows you're here to see me!"

"You came out!" He pulled her into his arms, kissing all over her face. "I love you so much!" He dropped to his knees, hugging his arms around her.

"You are an idiot, Lindsey Buckingham." She wasn't mad. She laughed softly, making him get up. Never had she though he would do something like this just to see her. "You're drunk."

"So drunk..." Lindsey nodded, burying his face in the curve of her neck and circling his arms around her body. "I love you." He repeated again. "I left her, Steph. For you. My marriage is over."

She lifted his head off her shoulder to look into his eyes. "You did what?"

"I told her I want to divorce."

Stevie couldn't believe it. She was staring at him and he at her, before both of them broke into huge smiles. "Does that make you my idiot then?"

Lindsey laughed, nodding his head. "Only if you take me."