35. On My Own

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Song: Half a Man - Dean Lewis

I stood with Austin, away from the crowd, watching from the sidelines as a crooked line of bundled-up kids followed Santa down the perfectly angled track we'd had a hand in creating

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I stood with Austin, away from the crowd, watching from the sidelines as a crooked line of bundled-up kids followed Santa down the perfectly angled track we'd had a hand in creating.

I loathed Hunt. More than anyone but the joy radiating across Hadley's face made it all worth it, even if my fists remained clenched.

The train of children followed the waving bastard dressed in red, more concerned with his beard than the kids veering off the track behind him.

"I hope that beard is itchy," Austin piped up next to me as they crept around the wide bend before us. "I hope it chaps it up so much it burns."

I arched a brow, not trying to hold my smile.

"What?" he asked, raising his voice above the little pack of mosquito-sounding sleds. "Hunt's a piece of shit."

I wasn't about to disagree. Hadley was right. Hunt didn't deserve the title of Santa, not after last year.

I kept my focus on my anchor. To the one who kept me level-headed. She beamed through her camera lens, smiling wide at the kids while a downhearted Janelle assisted. Or tried to help. She must have dodged out of the way about three times now.

Janelle's mood had changed since I saw her this morning. It was a complete one-eighty, and something told me it wasn't the cold that bothered her. Or the kids she forced smiles for and chuckled at occasionally.

I quirked a grin at Hadley when she dragged her camera around the bend and toward me. She'd always been good with kids. Always had the patience to deal with them. To play with them and listen. Maybe that's why she put up with my shit for so long.

I winked, and her already rosy cheeks shaded a deeper red when Janelle gave her a little shove with her arm—hands stuffed in the pockets of her pea coat.

"It's nice to see her happy," Austin said, noticing and resting forearms on the fence when the noise had faded.

I agreed but didn't say anything. The only thing that worried me more than losing Hadley again was fucking up. I knew that I'd been the one responsible for dulling that shine. For hardening that soft heart. And I needed to make sure it didn't happen again.

I felt Austin assess me and asked, "What?"

"You seem tense. I thought your night with Hadley might've loosened you up."

My smile broadened on its own. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Austin's almond eyes crinkled at the edges. "I'm happy for you, but I can't help but wonder if you're ready."

My brows pinched. "For Hadley?"

"For this race."

"It's a pre-season opener," I replied as blandly as I could manage. "Not a real race."

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