Snowcrossed: Currently Under Construction

39. Always the Same

Song: Talk to a Friend - Rain City Drive

I stormed through the trailers in pit lane. The anger roaring so loudly I'd hardly heard Hadley as she sprinted behind. "Baker!"

I didn't stop and did my best to ignore her like I should have the moment she arrived.

The lights on the track glared between the rows of trailers. Ready. Waiting.

My heart sped up with each screeching sled—the loud resounding braps fueling my anxiety and rage. I welcomed it because without Hadley there was nothing left but that track, the speed, the adrenaline, the utter bliss that came with winning, which was what I'd been trained to do, and I'd be damned if I let my fear dictate the results.

"Baker!"

I nearly made it to the trailer, where Max and Alyssa were readying the sleds, when I came to an abrupt halt.

Hadley stood before me, rooting in place and refusing to let me pass. "You told me it was over."

Her betrayal cut me deeper than the surgeon's knife, and it fucking hurt. Worse than the shattered collarbone, the doctors bolted together. Worse than the fractured hip and vertebra. Worse than the news I got about my mom.

The tears brimmed in her cat-lined eyes. "It is, Baker. I called it off yesterday."

I scoffed a laugh. "Then what's he doing here? Why'd he fly across the country if he thought it was over?"

Hadley's lashes fluttered. She hated that laugh, it was like a kick to the chest, but I didn't care. I wanted her to feel what I felt. To know how bad she'd wounded me. "I don't know," she replied. "My dad picked him up from the airport. I had no idea he was coming."

Figures. Leave it to Paul to welcome him in with open arms.

Hadley tipped her head, reaching for my hand. "Can we go somewhere and talk, please? I never—"

I pulled away. "Did you tell him about me?"

I needed to know. I needed her to be honest with me.

Hadley sighed, reluctantly letting her hand fall. "I told him about the lake," she clarified.

"But not about last night."

Her stare was like knives—her defence ready. "He literally just got here, Baker. Two seconds before you showed up, when was I supposed to tell him?"

"You were supposed to tell him the second he showed up," I flung back. "You should've told him before he even had a chance to kiss you. Or did the promises we made mean nothing to you?"

Hadley's gaze ticked in mine. "Of course, they mean something, Baker."

"But they weren't enough," I hurled back. "Why be with me when you have someone like Dallas?" The accusation landed precisely where I wanted, revealed by the hurt staining her eyes. "A scouted hockey all-star," I went on, rubbing salt in an already open wound. "A rich family. You sure did aim high this time, didn't you, Hadley? Why slum it with trailer park trash when you can have someone like him."

Something in Hadley shifted, replaced with cold, brutal rage.

She looked away, giving her head a shake. "Your projections are very telling, Baker. Why don't you keep going and reveal more of your insecurities."

That sarcastic tone scratched the surface beneath my skin. She really knew how to get on my nerves. "Just say it, Hadley."

"Say what exactly, Baker." Splaying her palms in angered frustration. "What is it you want me to say? That I'm sorry he showed up? That I'd moved on and you didn't?"

"That you wanted out!" I took a step back, reigning in my frustration. My rage. I hated the anger I held for her. The resentment that wouldn't fade. No matter how many times I apologized, it wouldn't be enough. I'd never be enough.

A tear escaped her eye, pouring down flushed cheeks, but she wouldn't move. Hadley had been my pillar. The one who stood by my side after my mother died. The one who stayed in the hospital with me. The one who saved me from myself, and I resented her for it. Not because of her loyalty but because she didn't deserve the pain that came with loving someone like me.

"You left me when I needed you, Hadley," I stated, loathing the vulnerability and the truth I was reluctant to admit. "The second things went south you bailed. You abandoned me. We were a team."

Hadley seethed, pouring all the hate she held for me out between us. "Yes, Baker, we were a team. And I pulled the weight. I begged you to stop drinking. To stop going out. And what did you do?"

"I was at my fucking lowest, Hadley!"

I could feel the others staring. Could hear Austin rev up my sled. Johnny's race was starting soon, but I knew his warning wasn't about the race.

"Just admit it," I went on, "you were always looking for an excuse to leave, and I was it."

"I never wanted to leave!" Hadley cried, having enough. "It was supposed to be me and you, Baker! Nenu si chu." Pointing sharply between us. "Everything I did was for you! For us!"

Her words cut like glass, but it was nothing compared to the hot tears spilling from her eyes when she showed me our matching tattoos.

I averted, unable to look at her, but she wouldn't let me slough her off. Not this time.

"I kept every promise, Baker!" She snapped, snatching my arm and forcing me back when I tried to walk away. "I stayed!" Pointing sharply at her chest. "I proved my love to you! Over and over and over again. It was you who shut me out! You drove me away! You gave up! If you want to blame someone, blame yourself!"

Hadley didn't care if we drew a crowd, not this time. They were going to talk anyway, may as well give them the fodder they so clearly desired.

"If I fuck everything up for you so much, go!" I raged back, pointing through a wall of trailers in the direction of the stands. "Go back to your cheating piece of shit, boyfriend! He's obviously the better choice! Why lug around someone like me when you can clean up after someone like him?"

I'd struck the final blow, and it showed in the tears streaming down her frozen cheeks. "God, I hate you sometimes."

"Then go," I said as Austin pulled up just behind. "I don't need you here. I did just fine when you left. I'll be fine today."

Hadley's lip quivered, her anger red hot, but it was nothing compared to the hurt. "Fine, if that's the way you want it, I'll go."

My heart shredded, but I refused to show it.

Austin came between us, hoping to talk some sense into me. "Baker, bro, take it easy. She didn't know."

My gaze flicked beyond his head. Past his backwards hat to the woman who held my heart. The woman I broke—the woman who broke me.

I couldn't bear the tears she shed or how she wiped them away. I was the cause of all her pain, then and now, and deep down, I knew that I didn't deserve her.

I mounted my sled without a word, pulled the string and took off, needing to be away before I caused any more damage.

A/N: There's not a lot to say 😔