TRIGGER WARNING!! SELF HARM MENTION, GORE!!, CLOSE DEATH
Um
yeah
angsty
oh yeah sorry for not posting, i just got a random boost of motivation and started writing so yeah
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There I sat, on my bed full of blood. I was 5 days clean. 5 days to long. I accidentally let myself out, I accidentally let myself grab a knife. I accidentally let my guard down. It just was to much.
The only thing keeping techno away from opening my door right here right now was that he wasn't home at all. If he was, I would be in terrible danger. Danger of the whole world knowing I lied and was a hybrid.
The voices calmed down a bit, after all I stabbed fucking holes through my arms. I'm not sure how I'm not dead yet, I was bleeding a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a blood stain on the roof of the room underneath my room, which was the living room.
My breath was poorly and uneven. I was hyperventilating and crying. I mean, did I mention I had fucking holes through my arm? As in, you can see through it and see my bones?
I knew I was close to death. I knew I was dying today. Why did I let techno find out? If I just cleaned the blood that day, I wouldn't be dying. I was to stupid. To careless. If techno didn't find out, I would've continued with normal cuts. Not fucking holes.
I really tried my best to stay clean. I promise you...I did. But everything was to much.
With shaking hands I grabbed a piece of paper. Might aswell write a note before I die. Its difficult, yeah, but I won't die without saying nothing.
Dear family.
Im sorry. I let myself go, I promise I didn't mean to do this much. 5 days clean was just to much to handle. I think the voices took over, or was I just possessed? I don't know. I just lost control, lost the ability to protect myself from my worst enemy...myself.
I promise I really tried, techno. I really did. It was hard, and i thought I would do better. I'm sorry to disappoint you.
Dadza, wilby, I have to tell you something. I'm a hybrid. Not human. I'm an avian and hid it because dadza should be the only avian on earth. I pulled out my own feathers, and the most important ones aswell but somehow they all grow back. Funny, right? It's like god doesn't want me to have my ways. Due to that problem, i got addicted to pulling them out. The pain felt good and well deserved. I started pulling them out 6 years ago. That's also when I first started growing them. I started self harming 2 years ago, when everything else in my life went downhill.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, dad. I really tried to be the best I could for you. But I failed. I failed miserably.
Im sorry wilby. Im sorry i was cold towards you when you tried to look out for me. I really hoped I could be a better little brother for you. That I could play around and have fun with you, but I was naive and scared of myself. I'm so so sorry. I know you only tried to make me feel better, and I'm thankful even though I never showed it.
Im sorry tech. I couldn't stay clean. I know you told me that I could go to you whenever I felt like it, and I did...most of the time. Now that you, dad and wilby were getting food from the village I accidentally let the voices take over. I tried, I really did. I thought i wouldn't make it farther than 2 days, but look at me! 5 days, woohooo... really, I didn't expect me to go this far. I didn't want to die, maybe a little bit really I don't deserve the endless sleep. The peaceful sleep. I don't deserve it. I'm sorry. I blacked out, and came back to senses when it was to late. I kind of deserve it though, the pain at least. God, it hurts like a motherfucker. I'm sorry techie.
Please, don't cry over me. I don't deserve your tears. I love y
Author's POV:
Tommy was about to write 'I love you' when he passed out.
Techno's POV:
I had a bad feeling. We were almost home and I already smelled blood. I was just to far to make out whose blood it was and really hoped it wasn't from who I think it was. As we got closer, I finally found out whose it was. My eyes widened and I froze in place. Phil and wilbur looked at me confused because I had fear written all over my face. We were at least 4 km away from home, why do I smell his blood so clearly? It wasn't the blood from the mountain, so...why?
"Techno? What's wrong?" Wilbur asked. I ignored him, no. I just couldn't hear him. The voices were screaming one after another. I couldn't make out what they were saying. That was until I could make out what they said.
TOMMYS IN DANGER
HES DYING
HELP HIM
GO HOME
HES DEAD
HELP THESEUS
GO HOME IMMEDIATELY
YOU CAN STILL SAFE HIM
RUN
RUN HOME
And with that, I ran. Leaving wilbur and Phil confused behind but soon after they started running behind me. They knew something was wrong. They knew I wouldn't act like this if it was just nothing, but I couldn't explain it to them. If the voices were right, and that Tommy was close to death right now it's better to run home immediately. Maybe I could safe him. Please god, please don't make him die.
A few minutes later I made it home. The smell was unbearable, to strong. It's as if he bled out. God, please don't make that happen. I'm literally praying. Please.
Phil and Wilbur were a minute behind, meaning I was the first one in house. I immediately ran towards Tommy's room and broke it open. My eyes widened and I started to tear up. There laid my little brother, limp on a piece of paper with a pen in his hand. Holes in his arms as the knife laid behind him. His whole bed was full of blood. I rushed to him and checked his pulse. He's breathing...HES BREATHING!
I heard Phil and Wilbur yelling my name. They wanted to know what's going on. Ofcourse they do, I panicked infront of them. That's not something that happened daily, infact that never happened.
"PHIL! W-WILBUR GET THE FIRST AID KIT" I yelled. My breath was shaking as I put pressure on his wounds. Not long after I heard 2 pair of footsteps run upstairs. Then they froze. They saw Tommy and his state. They saw him laying close to death. Phil ran towards Tommy and immediately started cleaning his wounds. I could tell he was disgusted by it, I was to. There was a fucking hole in tommys arm, and he did that...he did that himself. I looked at his face, he looked so peaceful. As if the pain didn't bother him anymore. I Stepped aside to give Phil and Tommy more space. I walked to wilbur who was still frozen in place. Tears streamed down all of our faces. I hugged him as he hugged me back.
Why didn't I stay here?
I could've prevented this.
Why was I so stupid?
