Trigger warnings: voices, self harm, eating disorder
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Tommy's POV:
Its been days after techno found me in the woods. Its quite surprising they just let it slip. I mean, if someone just falls asleep in the woods, in the rain and comes home with red burn marks all over his body you would be concerned right? Right? Guess they really don't care about me after all.
They don't care
No one does
Nobody would care if you just died
Kill them all
Kill yourself.
'Kill myself? What's the fun in that?' I thought as I walked out of my room after 2 days staying hidden in it, not coming out to either eat or drink.
"Tommy?" A voice called out as he walked closer to me
"What?" I spat as I knew who was behind me
"Why didn't you come out of you're room all day?! I was worried! We were worried. You didn't even eat nor drink!" He said as he walked closer
"I don't know, why didn't you ask anything? Why didn't you just come in? You're a fucking ghost hybrid. You can just walk trough walls, Wilbur" I spat walking away leaving him slightly hurt. At this point I knew everyone on the smp knew I was acting 'different' which I wasn't. I was just showing more hints I wasn't okay. I walked towards the front door to be stopped by Phil.
"Please don't go out to late and come back when it gets dark or starts to rain... I don't want anything happening like last time." Phil said looking concerned
"I won't, I'll come back at 7pm." I said
"And please eat something, you haven't eaten in 2 days!" He said
"I'll eat some fruit on my way to the lake dadza" I said. Lie, I wouldn't. Food disgusted me. Phil just nodded as I went out towards the woods. It was the monthly time I would pull out the feathers so it wouldn't grow back but it always did. Weird. Avian feathers don't grow back once you pull out the most important feathers, which I did... but they just grew back to be more strong and more difficult to pull out, leading it to be more painful. Today the voices were more...violent but not to me, they wanted me to kill shit. Start stabbing shit, kill everyone. Especially after no one really checked on me. The only one I knew that tried checking on me was techno, the only one the voices liked. Sometimes they tell me to kill him, yeah but they would have moments they're 'nice' towards him.
KILL THEM TOMMY
YOU IDIOT. THEY JUST CAUSE YOU PAIN
KILL RANBOO, TUBBO. THEY JUST LEFT YOU OUT!
all soon I was at my usual spot. The beautiful water streaming down from the waterfall, the wind just 'tickling' the trees (a/n idk if that makes sense, deal with it 😩)
"Alright..." I muttered pulling out my knife. It was already covered in blood from the past few times. I pulled down my sleeves to reveal deep, still half open cuts, and scars. Many scars, self harm scars, burning scars... they all were part of me, telling my story. My fight against myself. Against the world, against everyone and everything. I slowly started digging the knife into one of my wrists, slowly going deeper and deeper. It hurted yeah but the pain makes me feel good. I smiled a bit. Not a normal smile, no. A sad, painful smile. Smiling at the pain.
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28
29
30.
I pulled the knife away to see what id done. Whenever I dig the knife into my wrist I loose control and do way much I wanted. I layed my wrist in the water to get the blood away, still burning because of the water. It was time. I took my shirt of revealing bandages all over my chest. Covered in blood on my back.
