I am not kid, I am not child, baby. I am your son. I am not she, her, hers. I am he, him, his. I am not my deadname. I am Adrian. I am not those feminine pronouns you love to use. Get them out of your head. I am not your daughter, I haven't been in a long time. I am not my sister. I am my own person. I am a man finding his grounding though your very actions that has try to shape me over and over again yet nothing has stuck. Each and other time, you use my deadname or the feminine pronouns. It's a knife in my head, in my back, in my chest over and over again. It's now to a point you're using a dull knife with a broken tip. That tip is all of this emotional, mentally, psychology abuse that has build and build over the years. The years of self- loathing, self hatred, belittling myself, giving into dark hateful thoughts no child should even have. You put them there. You were supposed to be my parents. Someone who loves me unconditionally, build me up not down. You become my worst nightmare. I can only ecaspe though pills I started way too young, alcohol, doing harmful things to my body that are now covered with tattoos. My mind is a battlefield everyday, sometimes every night when I can't sleep because of the medication doesn't seem to do working. I never had a freaking childhood. I was an adult by age 11. I was so young. I don't know who pulled me out of the hole I was in back then, but I'm glad cause I would had pulled the trigger so long ago when I was 11. 8 years and 20 days since that day happen. Since I was molest by someone who knew my sister. The day I went numb and didn't care anymore.
