(Alright. So apparently you're writing a fanfic about this dude, so I'll to to be extra harsh on the backstory lol)
Name:Lilypaw
Past names:Lilykit
Future names: Lilywhisker
(5/5)
Age:10 moons
Gender:Demi girl
Sexualitly: Questioning
Sex:She-cat
(Cool! Not graded so..
Clan:SkyClan
Former Clan:ShadowClan
Ranks: Kit, App, Warrior,Senior Warrior Elder
Appearance: Muscular, short furred white she-cat with a scattering of black and ginger spots plus blue eyes- one blind
(How was she blinded in one eye? Was she just born that way? I can't really grade in genetic accuracy so 5/5!)
Personality: adventurous, cheeky, likes apprentice duties, enjoys gossiping with the elders, unsure of her path in life and where it will take her, naive and optimistic.
(Alright. She sounds like she sort of craves new experiences and stories, since she didn't really have much independence in ShadowClan and she's trying to figure out who she is and why she's here. Maybe she likes doing apprentice duties because she's mostly by herself and with the elders and has time to reflect and learn some new stuff. And she doesn't take any sh!t from other cats because she doesn't want her freedom to be trampled on again, and is terrified of being trapped and having no room to grow. That's pretty cool.
Maybe she is very assuming about other cat's natures and a bit judgmental. 10/10.)
Mother:Tulipleaf
Father:Growlthroat
Siblings:None
Mate:Idk yet
Kits:Idk
Mentor:Pickleheart
I like that name lol. Is he a former kitty pet?
Former mentor:Iceshard
Friends:Spiderpaw, literally any elder, Pickle heart, and most cats from other Clans
(Alright. I don't mind that you didn't add descriptions. 9/10)
Likes:SkyClan and their trees, climbing,rainy and stormy weather, sharing prey, and watching rain fall from the trees
Dislikes:ShadowClan, her parents and former mentor, darkness, too much sunlight, and cats who are slow to catch on
(This isn't a tier on the request but that's fine! I really liked that you cared enough to add some extra depth to your character! Really liking rain and thunder is something that is relatable to me lol. It makes sense with her personality. Rain and thunder would probably break the monotony of ShadowClan's routine. It's also very loud, so she has something to distract her from the noises of the ShadowClan cats.)
Kit life:
Her parents had never wanted a kit, and when Tulipleaf became pregggo, they were p!ssed to say the least.(That sucks.) They had pestered the medince cat for ways to get rid of the unborn kit as they didn't want the responsibility for it or the Clan to judge them for it. (So they went together as a couple? Do medicine cats have to keep all of their patient's data private like actual doctors?? How do Clan cats not suspect that Growlthroat is the father if the two were together going into the medicine den often together ? The clans are a tight-knit group, someone's bound to know. It sounds like Tulipleaf and Growlthroat were a couple, since they both seem to be p!ssd at Lilypaw's existence, since it seemed like they were planning a future together. That doesn't happen if it's just a cat equivalent of a one-night stand. Also wouldn't the Clan judge them for getting rid of Lilykit? Cat's usually have four-ish cats per litter, sometimes a lot more. They couldn't have known that Lilykit would be a only child.That's four future warriors you're getting rid of. If you're a wild cat, you need to take what manpower you can get. Also someone would have announced the news as soon as they knew Tulipleaf was pregnant, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing you could hide for long in the Clans.)But alas, it was no use. The she-kit was born unwanted and to hateful cats. (Aww. That really sucks. Was there no one else in the nursery with her? Lilykit just spent her entire kithood with two pricks in the nursery?)They named her Lilykit, after a plant cats find toxic. (The entire lily plant is toxic:the stems, leaves, flowers, pollen, even water in a vase. Eating just a small amount of a leaf or left over flower petal, licking a few pollen grains off its fur while grooming,or drinking water from a vase can cause your cat to develop fatal kidney failure in less then three days)
(Whoa. I did not know that! I'll need to tell my friend that before they adopt a kitten. Their house has a lily in a vase on a window still. Thank you so much.)
Anyway, the entire Clan seemed to dislike her. You see, Tulipleaf was kinda a sl*t and "slept around" with many toms, so who really knew who Lilykit's father was? ShadowClan thought that Likykit was a bad accident plus she was predicted to be a terrible apprentice. Shadowclan needed short, slim, dark furred cats. While Lilykit was a muscular, taller, bright coloured cat.
(Aw. I bet there are a lot of kits in the nursery, for Lilykit to be viewed as expendable. Also did Tulipleaf and Growlthroat suffer nothing from this? Why is all of the hated poured on the kit?
Seems kinda irrational for the entire Clan to dislike her. Is every single one of them actively mean to her?)
Apprentice life:
Lilypaw was apprenticed to the most toxic cat in ShadowClan-Iceshard. She was harsh, unforgiving and a terrible mentor.
(Hmm. I feel like a interesting idea for this, would be that ShadowClan's leader put Lilypaw under her to sort of fix Iceshard. The leader might've thought that having a cat who is at a natural disadvantage in ShadowClan's territory as a apprentice would've motivated Iceshard to be more involved in clan affairs, because she was not involved enough for some reason. Maybe Iceshard is a outcast in ShadowClan for some reason or a former rouge traumatised by her past. But it backfired horribly. Just an idea. )
Lilypaw would be up with the sun and down later than most other cats. What didn't help was her immense struggle with stalking and slinking through the trees as ShadowClan cats do. Iceshard was harsh with her punishments and complients were non-extenstient.
(Wow Iceshard. Was she like having Lilypaw do military drills or something all day? If's she's not training her in hunting or fighting, what are they doing? Anyhoo, Iceshard is a jerk.)
Lilypaw longed for fresh, clean, pine-less air and to climb the tall trees. But the pine trees were too thin for her to climb, and the forest too thick to be refreshing.She was walking along the SkyClan border and spotted a SkyClan patrol leaping through the trees. They were agile, elgeant, in their way of hunting. Not a sound was made as they pursed squrriels and caught them, barely lifting a claw. Lilypaw was in awe. This was where she truly belonged.
(Cool!)
Warrior life:
Moving to skyclan had been a fiacso. ShadowClan was mad at the next gathering, it made them look weak and unworthy to the other Clans. Lilypaw had been slightly avoided in her new Clan, but was soon the most popular apprentice they had. She'd even found a best friend-Spiderpaw. They were as thick as theives and he even wanted for Lilypaw to catch up with him in training, so they could ve made warriors togther. They were named Spiderfrost and Lilywhisker and remained close throughout their entire lives.
(Aw. It's nice that they have a male friend who isn't a love interest. Something we need to see more. Platonic love! It would be interesting to see Lilypaw adapt to SkyClan. Make joining as hard as you possibly can. Maybe a ShadowClan cats tries to poison Lilypaw to stop her from dishonoring her Clan or some sh!t like that. Lilypaw joining SkyClan but really ignorant of SkyClan culture and customs I dunno. Backstory 9.5/10 )
Cause of death-Old age, surrounded by her proper family.
I really liked Lilypaw. It's late when I wrote this, so sorry it's not too long. Lilypaw is a good character and protagonist material. Thank you so much for your submission!
