She didn't know when exactly she started feeling that way. No matter how hard she tries, she couldn't pinpoint the exact date and time. Maybe it was gradual, the feelings slowly seeping into her veins clouding her mind and her heart.
Leni stared at her partner who was gazing at the night sky for the past half hour. They arrived at her condo just an hour ago after today's sorties. To say that they were both tired is a complete understatement. Tomorrow should be their rest day, however, they have separate commitments to go to. Leni has a shoot with her vice-presidential partner, while Risa has an exclusive interview to be filmed.
Lately, the two have been seeing less and less of each other. Their quality times are always cut short. That wasn't a problem for both of them, but it is taking a huge toll on their relationship, even if they didn't want to admit it. Risa is a clingy girlfriend, but she always understood and put Leni's obligations before her. They are both politicians, and they are used to the call of their duties interfering with their personal lives. They have been doing it all their lives. What changed now?
"Is it still worth it?" Risa suddenly spoke, averting her eyes from the stars to the love of her life. She wasn't being selfish. She has been keeping this inside her for quite some time now. She isn't selfish. However, it's also not wrong to put yourself first, even once in a blue moon.
"Sa?" Leni was confused. This is the first time that Risa spoke to her since the rally ended. Their ride home was quiet. Risa took a nap in the van while she was texting with her children. It became an agreement that after every week's rally, one would sleep over at the other's house to make up for their hectic schedules. Leni knew something was different tonight when Risa went straight to the bathroom to wash up as soon as they arrived.
"Is our relationship still worth fighting for?" Risa spoke again, looking directly into her eyes. "Be honest." Their relationship has been kept secret for its entire course. She understood why it has to stay that way, but being understanding doesn't erase the fact that it hurts her. It hurts every time Leni denies her, every time she is being paired with another man. Every single time Leni says that she will never find a love like she did with Jesse.
"Oo naman, Sa." Leni could feel her tears starting to form. Unclear as to where their conversation is going to. Does Risa feel otherwise? "Bakit mo natanong?"
Risa sighed. The reason behind her question also unbeknownst to her. "Napapagod na 'ko." She avoided Leni's hands when she made a move to hold hers. "Sobra."
Leni swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't want to cry in front of Risa. "I know, and I'm sorry." She started. "What can I do para maibsan ang mga pagod mo? I'll do anything."
"I think," Risa gazed back at the sky full of stars. She was well aware that if she looked at Leni any further, she wouldn't be able to say what she wants. "I need space."
Tears instantly fell from Leni's eyes. Any effort made to stop them went out of the window the second she heard Risa speak.
"I need to shift my focus on the elections muna, kasi sobrang napapagod na 'ko na on top of the elections, iniisip ko pa yung tayo. Kung okay lang ba tayo, kung may patutunguhan pa ba relasyon natin." Risa heaved a sigh. "Hindi ko na alam kung tama pa ba na hanggang ngayon nilalaban ko pa rin. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal. Kaso minsan, di na sapat yung mahal lang natin ang isa't-isa."
Leni was stunned, almost everyday, they were together. Risa attends her rallies, and they interact with each other no matter where they were. They sneak into vans and tents sometimes just to get a few minutes to themselves. How come she never knew that Risa felt this way? Risa was asking her for space, and the uncertainty of how long that will take made Leni feel as if her heart is being stabbed with several daggers.
"Sana mapagbigyan mo 'ko. I never ask you for anything, ngayon lang." Risa let out a huge breath, mustering up the courage to walk out of Leni's condo. "Itigil na muna natin 'to." With that, she started walking towards the door.
"Napapagod din naman ako." Leni muttered in defeat watching Risa walk away. "Sumuko ba 'ko?"
