Butterflies (l.s)

🦋17🦋

Kinda diving into a bit of self harm/teenily sewer-slide-esque talk in dis, again. *stares at ceiling, whistling innocently* you bean warned bean~

It's hard.

What do you mean, sunshine?

You said you wanted to talk about it. So fine. Let's talk. I sliced up my arms because I couldn't feel anything and yet I could feel everything. So I decided, why not distract myself and make myself suffer in the same breath? It's not exactly the first time, it's just the first time in a while. And unfortunately Liam caught me and I'd gone a bit too deep and the blood left a bit too quickly so I fainted. But I was fine.

What if he hadn't come? And you'd just... been there?

So? Probably wouldn't have died. Death seems to have its eye on so many members of my family but not me, I guess. Not yet. So don't worry.

How can I not worry, Louis? Hearing you talk all nonchalantly about something like this, it's breaking my heart. You have to know you matter so much. To Liam, to your family, to me. And we would all be so broken if you'd been lost, days ago

I wasn't trying to die.

But you want to?

Does it matter?

So you do want to.

Sure. Kinda. But it's just a side thing. Why wouldn't I, you know? Life is shit I'd be surprised if anyone on this earth didn't want to die

I don't. And I don't want you to, either

Like I said, I wasn't planning to. It was all a big misunderstanding, despite what it looked like when I went all droopy on him lol. You should have seen his face 😂
Anyway we've talked, have a good rest of your day at work

Do you need me to come over?

Great. You know where I live. Stranger on the internet knows where I live. This is fantastic, Liam did such a good job helping out 🤩

Can you stop joking for like... Five seconds?

Nope :)

I'm calling you. Answer.

Louis flinched, startled by the ringing. His eyes were blankly roaming the screen but he couldn't bring himself to pick up. He didn't want to hear how worried Harry was about him. That was how Liam felt and how his siblings felt and he felt guilty enough already. All he did was bother people. If only he could take the memory of himself away from them all so he could end things with no regrets.

You didn't answer, Lou.

I didn't feel like it. I just want you to stay away from me. Why do you find it so damn hard?

Do you need me to come over?

Fuck no, stay away from me. Just stay away.

You don't mean that.

Yes, yes I do! I didn't ask for this shit! I didn't ask for any of you assholes to care about me, nor did I ask Liam to come save me! I could've fucking died but no. No. Death isn't interested in me yet it decided to snatch away so many people from me, as if that's okay? Well it's not, Harry. And you should stay away cos well, who knows, maybe this shit is contagious. Wouldn't want you to lose that life you're so happy you have cos of little old me, would we?

I'm scared, Lou. That you're going to do what you did again.

WTF is wrong with you? Didn't I just say it doesn't matter??

Will you do it again?

Fuck off.

Okay. I'm coming over.

You have classes.

I don't give a shit. You mean more to me. My students can survive one day without their favourite teacher.
I'm coming over

Louis heart began to thump out of control. He had to be lying, right? He felt a flash of hope in his chest and dug his nails into his palms, struggling to resist the urge to press them deeper. He could feel his inner child crying out for him to stop, for him to let Harry in, telling him he needed help and saving from himself. He ignored it all. He didn't matter, anyway.

Favourite teacher, huh? Cocky much?

Just honest ;)

Can't say I blame them. You're an annoying little shit but you grow on people

Awwwww a compliment I feel so blessed

Harry, you aren't still planning on coming over right?
Right???

See you soon xx