Don't Leave Me Behind

You are just a child you don't understand

Morning after the Serbian solders stomped through our small village everything was different. You can feel the sadness in the air . Everyone was still at shock how could our neighbors our friends our colleagues do this to us . Until yesterday we celebrated holidays and birthdays together. So much pain and so much disappointment. 

One of the Serb solders a good family guy who never wanted any part in any of this risked his life that night to bring some life to these mothers , and wives . He said with tears in his eyes they at Trnopolje  camp.  I don't know what will happen to them . I have no choice either I join them or my entire family dies .  All Muslim men and Croat are on a list and they will find them all . He starts crying and sobbing. Last night they took 10 of them out they lined them up . They told them to strip if they refused they hit them . Then they told them to dance and sing as they shot at their feet . After they had enough of dehumanizing them they shot them one by one . He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket it had names . He placed it on the table still sobbing. I'm sorry there is nothing I can do to help you . Run for your life. Run while you are still alive.

It was a long few months of fear of the unknown . Every day someone would share a horrific story that has happened. More and more people were disappearing . There were whispers between the elders . Men were being killed and buried in mass graves . They tried so hard to shield the children from hearing these stories . It was impossible. You can smell death in the air .

Most nights we would be afraid to sleep in our own house . We would seek shelter with our neighbors. Food was running out and there was nothing coming in . If you had money you had to hide it . It would place a target on you and your entire family .

My dad was gone and we didn't talk about it . The house felt empty and sad . That day kept playing through my head . Where did he go ? I know he didn't have a choice . I was afraid and sad .

That day when the solders left and we finally went back into the house . It was quiet and the air was thick you can choke on it . My mom just kept looking at her feet . She was pale and looked like she cried her soul out . Mom where did dad go ? She just looked at me with disappointment in her face as she took a deep breath . She said , he left to go to Croatia and he will let us know when he arrives . We will see him again when the war stops . It will stop . It has to stop . Tears strolled down her face .

Months have passed I don't remember The last time I had a good night sleep . We don't even have electricity anymore . They cut everything off . People have been resourcing to candles . Homemade candles since everything was impossible to come into town . The neighborhoods felt abandoned. People were hiding there was no kids outside playing . Sadness took over .

Every time I asked I was told not to ask to many questions. Don't stand out and keep your head down . Spring was coming to an end and everyone was getting scared . So many men from the village have disappeared and even more were killed in the concentration camp . As women in the village struggled to feed their families a mandate was issued for the entire town . All children including Muslim children will have to attend school . If they refuse we will destroy their house by throwing a bomb . Serb authorities in Prijedor issued a decree that was broadcast on local radio in May 1992 ordering all non-Serbs to mark their houses with white flags or bedsheets and to wear white armbands when leaving home.
You were required to wear white armbands to distinguish yourself and to be continuously subject to harassment, beatings and worse, with terror tactics being common,"

(Among the 3,176 civilians killed in Prijedor there were 102 children and 258 women. Some 30,000 others suffered in concentration camps at Omarska, Keraterm, and Trnopolje on Prijedor's outskirts.

Most of the killings took in the period between May and August 1992.)

As long as I can remember I couldn't wait to go to school . I wanted to be like those big High school kids with own books and book bag . To read and write stories . It was fascinating to me . The time has come and that excitement wasn't there. I was scared because I was born a Muslim and they wanted to kill us all . I was afraid to leave my family. What if they come back and I'm not home . What if they take them . School was about to start in few weeks and I felt like my world was falling apart . My childhood innocence was being torn from me and all the kids that were affected just like me . We were forced to grow up .