As it was

Chapter four

Flashback
November 1st 2018

•Rowen Hayes•

   I've been throwing up non stop for the past two weeks. I know what this could mean but I refuse to acknowledge it. Harry and I were never careful when it came to preventing a pregnancy. We were too in love to care, but now we aren't together and I haven't heard from him in two weeks. I can't even entertain the idea of having a baby right now, especially with him. I don't want this and I can't do this. At one point, hell even two weeks ago, I did use to dream of being a mother one day especially if Harry was the father, but now the thought just feels like a bullet to the heart.

We got into a big fight. I mean huge. I said things that I didn't mean, and he said things that I'll never forgive. It was never supposed to get to that point. I simply just wanted to tell him that I didn't want to move halfway across the country for him. At first he was understanding and trying to work stuff out, but then I messed up. I told him that I wasn't going to give up my life for his career that I didn't even know would be successful. That hurt him, which spiraled us into a storm of hurtful words. He told me I was selfish and unsupportive, and I told him he was unrealistic and naïve.

The worst part of this all is that I believed what I was saying at the time. I obviously know now that it was a mistake. A mistake that caused the love of my life to pack his things up and leave me, saying he never wanted to speak to me again.

No amount of begging was going to make him stay, and I swear I begged.

So yes, Harry is the last person I want to have a baby with right now, but not because I don't love him, but because still I love him too much.

"Rowen?" Enna knocks on the door.

"What?" I groan feeling like absolute shit.

"Can I come in?" She asks softly.

"Yes." I sigh.

The door opens immediately and my heart stops when I see what's in her hand.

"I got these for you." She says noticing my fear. "You really need to take one."  She encourages.

"I can't Enna. I can't be pregnant." I shake my head.

"So you haven't had unprotected sex in the past month?" She raises her brow in question.

"I have, but you don't understand. I can't do this. I can't have a baby with him." I say in denial.

At that she sighs.

"Just take it before you freak out. You might not even be pregnant."

I know I am. There's no way I'm not. Harry wanted a baby and was actively trying to get me pregnant. We were at it every chance we got, and though I wasn't so sure about it I was willing to do it to make him happy. I always wanted to make him happy, and I know he would've made a great dad.

"I'll take it." I finally agree.

With that being said she opens the box and pulls out the instructions.

"I don't need instructions. I had to take a million of these because of his inability to pull out." I huff as I walk to the toilet.

"So your not surprised?" She furrows her brows.

"Not in the slightest. I just wish it didn't happen right when I didn't want it anymore." I frown while peeing on the stick.

After a few minutes the test is sitting on the counter face down and me and Enna are waiting anxiously.