as it was | minsung

wedding

its been a month.
you even invited me to your marriage.

i guess you're really serious about sanghee?
it'd be good if i just dropped a #truelove on her new post.

yeah.
i stalked her.
why wouldn't i stalk the girl who stole you from me?

going to wedding might've been the worst idea ive ever had.
atleast i got to ask you, what ive wanted to ask you from the past five years.

'oh hey min, enjoying the wedding?' it's so funny. so fucking funny, how you still sound so happy while talking to me about something you know im clearly not happy of.

'ofcourse.' one lie gone there.

'good, good.' you smirked? must be funny to you? must be funny to you.

why do i have such a sudden urge?
why do i want to pull you out?
why do i want to?
why?

so i did.
i pulled you out.

'wha-' i cut you off. i had to.

'would you change anything?' god. i haven't even completed asking you my question.
yet. yet again. im shedding tears.

'what do you mean?' you know what i mean. you do know what im talking about.

'would you do anything to make everything go back to as it was?'

desperate.
/ˈdɛsp(ə)rət/
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adjective.
1.
feeling or showing a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.
"a desperate sadness enveloped ruth"

i was desperate.
for you.
for an answer.

'no. i wouldn't. im the happiest ive ever been in my whole life. sanghee keeps me alive. i love her with my whole heart. more then i could ever love somebody else, min.' good for you. i was happy for you and sanghee. but, what about me? can't i be selfish for once?

'i was right..you wouldn't do anything.' i should've been prepared for this. why does it hurt so bad then? do i still love as much as i did before?
i know i do.
i wish i didn't.

i slapped you.
i wanted to.
i had to.

my eyes were red, puffy.
crying over a man who doesn't deserve me.
yet, you'll always have a space in my heart.