Midnight Memories

Untitled Story 4

Shao and I are having lunch at the cafeteria while holding our phones. With our fingers crossed, we prayed silently. Our grades will be released today and I haven't really received a grade that I think I deserve.

I notice that the other students eating here barely touch their foods as they're also nervous.

I let out a deep sigh and took a sip in my cup of coffee.

"Natatae na ako sa kaba, Shao."

"Kyla!" She hissed. Late ko nang ma-realize na kumakain pa pala kami.

"Hindi na ako magkakaroon ng Latin Honors. Gumuho na ang mundo ko, Shao." maluha-luhang sabi ko. A sudden flashback from our first semester in college creeps in my mind. The memory of having a grade lower than 90 is the worst nightmare I had experience since entering college.

She gently tap my head—which I do most of the time. She's smaller than me but definitely prettier.

She's someone I adore and even though it hasn't been a year since we've been friends, I felt an instant connection; I found a sister in her.

Natapos ang lunch break namin ng walang na-post na grades sa ibang subject. Wala na rin kaming klase ng hapon. We bid goodbye's and went home to do some stuffs that needs to be done.

Mahigit kalahating-oras na akong nakatitig sa screen ng laptop ko bago ko tuluyang isindi. Trying to find the motivation to finish my tasks.

Shao and I are very grade-conscious. We want to finish our tasks as soon as possible. During the online setup, whatever tasks is given, I do it right away. I make sure to finish it within the day so I could turn it in on-time.

I had been considered as the "gifted" child who's way too intelligent for her age. When I was 3, I started schooling and was able to read, write, and solve basic maths—faster than my classmates that are a year older than me.

And then I got tired. It's like the fire in me has been put out and only a few sparks are left. Now, it just feels like I'm obliged to do every task because I have to graduate, to have a decent job that pays well.

Just as I opened my laptop, Shao called.

"Kaya pala libre ang State Universities kasi kaluluwa natin ang kapalit." bungad niya.

I chuckled and muted myself so we won't get distracted by our background noise while we study on call. It's actually our routine to call each other while we study.

It's already 7:35 pm so I waited for five more minutes before I officially start doing my tasks. I had my pomodoro timer ready and opened my TikTok account for awhile. I found a relatable video and sent it immediately to Shao.

She replied, "Kinain ko nga ang mga salita ko e." I replied, "wdym?"

The video I sent was about a girl talking how grateful she is to have someone that checks up on her and make them feel loved with the small gestures.

"I have told you once that I'll be sending you virtual hugs every day since you like hugs. And I kind of failed to do it." She explained. Well, its true na she's not sending virtual hugs anymore but I understand her reason because sometimes it gets too draining to be consistent when you don't have the energy.

"I understand you, Shao. You don't have the same energy everyday and that's something na I understand." I assured her. "Consistency is the key but not if its to the point where it's draining you already, you can really just tell everyone and take your time."

"Yeah, but I wanna apologize. I know na naiintindihan mo but yeah, I'm sorry."

It is something na she shouldn't be sorry for but I accepted it anyway and ask for her forgiveness as well.

Well, at some point, hindi lang naman siya ang naging inconsistent. Nang magkaroon kami ng study break, nagkwentuhan ulit kami about her wanting a cat.

She said her initial reason was to have something that'll fill the void in her heart from her loss to her first pet—a dog. But eventually, she wanted to adopt stray cats so she could give them home.

Until napunta kami sa usapang graduation. She graduated Valedictorian in her previous school while I graduated as with honors lang.

"Dati 'yon mhie." she defended when I said that at least she experienced being the best among the bests in her school. "Kinain na ang utak ko ngayon."

I know we're both drained na rin and tired from all that's happening in college.

"I watched a Ghibli movie yesterday." I said. She patiently waits for my chika. "And may line doon na ang sabi, 'I used to be so good at painting.' Umabot sa point na all she did was to paint. Every scenario, every thoughts, and every idea, she had it painted. Until eventually, tingin niya hindi na siya gano'n kahusay. Hindi na siya gano'n ka-inspired."

"She left and travelled to find an inspiration to paint again. And iyong inspirasyon na hinahanap niya? Dumating at the most unexpected time."

I look at her expression through the screen to make sure she's still listening. And she really is listening attentively.

I continued, "My point here is that, at some point in our life, mawawalan tayo ng passion sa mga bagay na ginagawa at minahal na natin. We will lose our inspiration and motivation to continue doing what we love."

"Resting helps. Resting do not equate quitting, on the other hand. You see, college is different. Nag-level up ang hirap sa pag-aaral to the point na parang dati ang dali lang natin matapos iyong tasks pero ngayon, umpisa pa lang, pagod na tayo. Ni hindi na tayo makapagtype ng panimulang sentence. Iyong hirap ay umaabot na sa punto na sobrang drained na tayo para mag-umpisa."

"We used to love studying because it is rewarding when we get high scores, high grades, and recognitions. Pero ngayon, reading a page of notes is tiring as fuck. Napapaisip ako minsan, is it even worth it to study this lesson? For a 20-points quiz, you have to study at least 25 pages of notes. Minsan 70+ pa. Tapos sa unang question pa lang, lagapak ka na. Hindi na siya rewarding kasi hindi na mataas ang nakukuha mo. Saktong pasado lang."

"Pero sa lahat ng hirap natin na yan, gusto kong sabihin sa'yo na, we might be tired as fuck now but who knows, we might get a break, find ourselves again, and might even find new motivations and inspiration to keep going and study 'til we succeed."

"Mapapagod tayo, pero tamang pahinga lang. 'Wag tayong susuko."

She's speechless. Ang dami ba naman kasi ng sinabi ko. After a long pause, she finally said, "I hope we find our way back to our old selves, or the better ones. Know that we will walk through this flowery path together."

With that, we continued studying. And before I went to bed, I realized that we're just two friends wanting to survive into this hell system of education that will either lead us to death or success. There's no in-between.

This is actually a reminder that school might be tiring. On the contrary, we're lucky enough to meet some people in school that we spend half of our lives with. Rejoicing in success and crying in failures together.