The Perfect Princess

Chapter 23-

Father stormed out of the room after hearing what the guard said.

I stood still while I thought.

I need to get out of here if I survive the war.

I need to live my own life away from these horrible people.

I take a few deep breaths before placing my sword at my side and walking out to where father went.

I step out of the throne room and I am greeted by father talking to Joseph.

If Joseph is here that means that Matteo might be.

I want to just apologise to him and tell him that I need him by my side. I miss him dearly.

But he's not here. I know he's not here.

I sigh slightly while nodding at Joseph before heading up the staircase to have a nice bubble bath.

I've felt incredibly lonely the last day. Zaria has been at her home kingdom with her parents and I have not seen Cole in days.

As you know I haven't seen Matteo since yesterday and it hurts so damn much.

Ive never felt this way before. Now don't get me wrong I've felt extremely lonely during my days on this planet but nothing compares to this.

I do not feel capable of the slightest things without him here and after him leaving while we were on bad terms it feels worse.

I just want him to come back to me and comfort me. But I also want to be able to comfort him too.

I shake my head out of thought and enter into my bedroom which is so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

I feel my eyes droop slightly and a sad smile make its way onto my face.

I drop my sword on my bed and take off my boots.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and rest my elbows on my knees, letting my face fall onto my hands.

"I hate myself," I mutter out as the silence suffocates me.

I am a horrible person to my husband, my father, my mother and everyone around me.

Maybe I should just listen to my father and stop.

I feel tears starting to prick my eyes and I curse at myself.

Maybe father is right, maybe I should just step back and let the men take the reigns.

Be the mother I was brought up to be.

Be the wife every sickening man wants in their life.

Be someone I am most certainly not.

•••

A day slowly became 3 and I have not heard from Julian, thank the lord. But it is scary that he has not said anything.

Matteo is still missing and I've come to peace with it.

Even though my pillow is soaked through and through.

I'm currently in the garden sorting the roses by color.

I think I've come to terms with father.

I will be the woman he wants me to be, nothing more.

As it is still winter most of the roses are rotten so I am putting them to waste.

The birds in the sky tweet above me while my eyebrows droop and the bags under my eyes become my evident and a tear escapes my eye.