Another Chance

Frigga

The clock in the hall (some family heirloom, he assumed, since it didn't fit in with the more modern decor in the house) told him the time. A brief memory stung his head, joining the general pain that had been building since he had left the house with Thor and the others. That pain, however, had a use. He knew where to find her mother at that hour. That saved him a trip to her bedroom, and instead he headed straight for the conservatory.

The lights were on, and as soon as he walked through the huge french doors the smell of earth, damp, and flowers hit him. The interior resembled a carefully planned little jungle. Plants lined each side of a narrow flagstone path. And although it seemed chaotic at first glance, Loki only needed a few seconds to notice that everything was arranged in a studied way. There were plants with enormous leaves, which invaded the path and brushed against him as he passed. And among them, placed in such a way that their brilliant colors were perfectly visible and capable of obtaining light, flowers of all kinds capturing the view beyond the leaves of their neighbors. And above his head roses and honeysuckle and jasmine fought for every inch of available wooden beams and frames. The hanging lamps from the ceiling looked like one more branch of the plants that filled everything.

Loki didn't hesitate to wonder how he knew exactly which Midgardian flower each of them was, and followed the soft murmur of his mother's voice towards one end of the greenhouse. Another memory, this time from his time on Asgar, hit him hard.

Frigga, leaning over him, sitting on the edge of his bed. He had had a nightmare (once again), and the woman was singing him a lullaby to help him go back to sleep. The song that the human Frigga whispered had nothing to do with the Vanyrian and Asgardian lullabies he had heard in his childhood, but it was her voice. Loki stopped when he saw her, taking advantage of the fact that she had her back to him. He needed to take a few seconds to take control of his feelings. He didn't want, or need, to collapse in front of her.

"Come closer, dear," she said before Loki felt fully prepared to face her, startling him.

"How...?"

"Your father and your brother shake the ground with their steps. You shake the soul with your gaze." Frigga looked at him over his shoulder with a smile. "Wait for me at the little table over there, I'll be right there."

Loki nodded and located a small iron table with two matching chairs. He sat on one of them, grateful for the soft cushion on the seat. On the table was a silver tray with a pitcher of iced tea. The glass was pearly with condensation, and the liquid inside was still quite cold. He poured himself a glass and drank some, feeling how the cold calmed him down, if only a little. He was pouring himself a second glass when Frigga came over and sat down on the other side. She had removed her dirt-soaked gloves and apron. Loki poured her tea and put the jug down, but when he wanted to withdraw his hand, Frigga grabbed it and held it between her own.

"Tell me, dear, what afflicts you so much?"

"Mother, I... I don't even know where to start," he murmured.

Loki had lived hundreds of human years. He had fought in a thousand battles, had survived various attempts at kidnapping, murder and worse. His lips had been sewn shut, and he had had to appease several angry Goddesses (each more dangerous) for things he had done, and others he hadn't. But at that moment he didn't feel a minute older than the 16 years of that human body.

"Od... Father has sent Thor to a boarding school in the city," he announced.

Frigga squeezed his hand and leaned towards him.

"What happened?" she asked with a trembling voice.

"After the attack I went to look for my brother. I tried to calm him down, but I think it only made it worse." He murmured, feeling doubly guilty, his two failures weighing on him. "He and his friends decided to go to Jotunheim to find out more about the attack. I couldn't let him go alone. We were going to go in and out, but..."

"Laufey has eyes everywhere," Frigga said grimly. "Everyone is fine?"

"Fandral has a wound, but it didn't seem serious. I think." Loki wasn't sure how much damage a human could take or how much blood a human could lose. "At first Laufey was going to let us go, but then Thor started attacking them. Father came to get us out of there. And when we got home he told Thor that he was going to send him to boarding school."

Frigga closed her eyes, and only then did Loki realize how tired she really looked.

"It could have been worse, I suppose. And you? I know there is something else you want to tell me."

"I... I saw Laufey, mother. And one of her bodyguards saw me." Frigga pursed her lips, as if she was bracing herself for a blow, and Loki's stomach contracted even more. "I've been suspecting this for a while, but I need to ask you. And I need you to tell me the truth. Please."

They weren't suspicions, and in truth he had only known for a few days, but revealing to her that he knew her true origin was going to be enough of a blow to Frigga to reveal the truth of the universe to her as well. The woman nodded, squeezing her hand even tighter.

"I... I'm adopted, right? I am Laufey's son."

Frigga closed her eyes again and let out the breath she had been holding. She nodded at him, so softly that if Loki didn't know her so well and was watching her so intently he wouldn't have noticed.

"Yes. Odin came to you when you were only a few days old. Right after dealing the final blow to the Jotun family."

"How did he find me? Am I... Am I the son of Odin and Laufey?

Frigga looked at him slightly shocked.

"Your father has many flaws, but infidelity is not one of them. We don't know who your biological father is. Odin never told me exactly what happened to Laufey for him to bring you with him, but..." Frigga smiled weakly. "But you are my son, no matter what. You came in being such a little thing. You already had a shock of dark hair, but you didn't even open your eyes all the way. And I loved you since I first saw you."

It was Loki's turn to close his eyes. Why? Why send him there if history was repeating itself again? Why not to a place where the woman who had given birth to him was the same one he had in front of him? Where the man he called father valued him for who he was, and not who he should have been?

"Loki? Loki, please look at me. Son..."

"I'm not your son," he whispered to her and then looked at her, full of anger and pain, even though he didn't go to her. "I'm not your son!"

"You are in all aspects that matter. You are the son of my heart. Is not sufficient?"

Loki froze. Wasn't he? That woman had rocked him, she had fed him, she had bathed him. She had told him stories and sung lullabies to sleep, she had calmed him on nights of nightmares, and she had sneaked him sweets even when he was grounded for some of the pranks he did, alone or accompanied. Asgardian and Midgardian childhood memories of him intertwined. And in both of them, there was that permanent smile from Frigga, and her unconditional affection.

Yes, it was. It had to be.

"I think... I think so. But I need to go away for a while, to get away from... from all this."

Frigga looked at him worried.

"You will leave? But where? Loki..."

"I can go with Thor. If father is going to organize his admission, it shouldn't cost him to do it with me too. So you know where I'll be."

"And maybe you can keep your brother out of trouble," she murmured, with a weak, sad smile.

"I promise nothing" Loki grimaced, wondering if he was doing the right thing.

He had no idea what Midgardian boarding schools were like. Were they like the academies where the einherjar trained for combat? Or like the ones where healers like Lady Eir studied? A spark of curiosity ignited within him, too weak to remove all the fear of emptiness within him, but enough to slightly placate the shadows.

But maybe this was his chance to change things. What would his story have been like if he had jumped with Thor to Midgard, instead of staying in Asgard? He knew that his father would have fallen into Odinsleep anyway, sooner or later, but it wouldn't be the first time Frigga had held the position. And perhaps without his presence in Asgard, and without the discussion of his origins, Odin would not have been so close to death to occupy all of Frigga's time. So many maybe. And now he had a chance to get an idea of ​​the answers.