TOO MUCH FOR US

I LOVE HER TOO BROTHER !

safe. loved. cared for. were the only things i was feeling right now. the feeling of being in lando's arms caging me as if he was protecting me. the feeling that he cared just as much as he hates me. i loved the feeling.

i opened my eyes and found my head buried between his chest as he was hugging me tight. he was asleep. did he hug me like that all night ?

i did not move , not wanting to miss any second of this precious moment.

suddenly soft fingers were stroking my hairs. i looked up to meet landos beautiful green eyes.

"good morning" he said smiling softly.

"good morning" i said with a sad smile . why sad ? because i know this moment will end soon even though i dont want it to.

"sleep good?" he asked

"yeah" i said as i closed my eyes again to just want to lay my head on his chest again.

"lando?" i asked softly looking at him "yes?" he asked in the same tone

"why did you call me last night at 2 in the morning....to ask me if im okay ?" i asked because i still didn't know why he did so

"it was-a-it was just-you know-uh....just a stupid dream i had...that's it...dont worry about it" he said. he hesitated saying the first few words. but what dream did he have ? i wanted to know but decided not to push it.

i dont know what to feel. angry ? sad ? happy ? i dont know. i hate him but i want to be close to him so much.

"you want to get up ?" he asked softly still stroking my hair.

i dont. feels too good to leave it. i've been with him too long. its wrong. this is wrong. i know it. but why does it feel so right ?

"yeah" i said silently and got up from the bed. the loss of his touch, his arms around me, did not feel good.

i stood there , looking down at the floor.

"this does not mean anything right?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

it does to me lando.

"no , it does not" i said as he nodded

i was making my way to the door of his room but i stopped.

"lando" i said as i looked at him and found out that he was already looking at me.

"hmm ?" he asked....no emotion in his voice this time

"i know you hate me as much as i hate you , or maybe even more....but promise me you wont leave me. ever. hate me as much as you want. you know i do too but....please dont leave me..." i said. i dont know where that came from. but i meant it. every single word.

he got up the bed and made his way to me. he stood close to me. his hand reached my cheek as he carressed it gently , looking me in the eyes . his hand on my face felt so warm.

"i wont" he said. he smiled softly. and pulled his hand away.

i stepped back. avoiding eye contact. and opened the door and got away from his room. i made my way to mine.

all i did was lie in my bed again. i dont know what to think. what to do. where to go.

my life is such a fucking mess.

charles and arthur hate me. george is busy with his team work. robert , oscar and marcus are not here. logan might be free. and lando...

I opened my Instagram. Bad idea. The pictures or charles picking me up and the rumours about him and me, all over the place.