TOO MUCH FOR US

CONFESSIONS

i called him. it ringed. he picked up. 

"hello?" he asked. i did not say anything. the tears were still in my eyes. 

"hello saara ?" lando asked again. i still did not say anything.

" saara  , you okay ? what happened ?" he asked worried this time. of course he worried. its almost 3am in the morning and i am not even saying anything. anyone would be worried. 

he kept asking what happened and if i am okay or not while my mind was wandering between should i tell him or should i not. i still had time. i was sober enough to know it would be a problem but drunk enough to not give a fuck. 

"i think i am in love with you lando" i spoke with a breaking voice and he went quite. 

silence. utter silence. 

"i'm sorry i just needed to let it out" i said with my breaking voice once again breaking the silence. 

he was still silent. 

and suddenly he hung up. of course he did. 

how fucked up am i right now ? i dont know. 

i fucked up. pretty bad. what now ? he knows i am in love with him and he is not. is he going to use it against me ? will he tell anyone ? how will i manage it ? should i lie to him and say it was a prank or something ? 

god , i wish it would stop hurting. it hurts so bad , when you told someone how you and they did not say it back. its not like i did not already know , i knew he would never love me. it hurts so bad to be in love with him. i wish i could make lando feel what i felt for him. if only he knew how much i want to hold him close to me. how much i want to hold his hand. how much i want to kiss him. i wish he was mine. 

the tears did not stop flowing from my eyes. i closed my eyes knowing my life is even fucked up than before. 

its almost been an hour since i called him since he hung up. 

i was lying in the bed crying. over him. over a boy. i once promised myself that i would never be so weak to cry over a boy. i broke that promise so easily. 

i was pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. who would it be at this time ? 

i wiped the tears away and quickly moved to the door to see who it was. i opened the door.

my eyes met with the ones i craved to see. i was shocked by sight of lando standing on the door. he looked out of breath. 

"look i am sorry-" i tried to apologize but he cut me off

"i broke up with her" he said out of breath. the eye contact never stopped. he broke up with her. why ?

"what? why would yo-" i was stopped by him closing the door and his lips meeting with mine. 

his hands were on my cheeks. and his lips on mine. so sweet. he tasted so sweet. i tried to savor every milli second of the kiss. i  instantly melted. my hands travelled around his neck. the kiss was so sweet and satisfying i never wanted to lose this contact with him. 

he slowly pulled away. i did not want to but i did any way. i did not open my eyes yet , i was afraid to know what was coming after. he placed his forehead over mine. we were both out of breath because of the kissing. for a moment there we were just standing close to each other i hands around his neck and his hands around my cheeks. our foreheads touching. i slowly opened my eyes and looked at him with our foreheads still in contact. he was already looking at me. i suddenly got butterflies in my stomach as he placed his lips on mine once more and just pecked on them and pulled away again. 

"i am so in love with you saara" he said. i did not know how to feel.

"do you mean it?" i asked just to confirm that he was not messing with me or something even though it did not feel like he was messing with me. 

"yes" he said 

"i am in love with you" i said as i smiled and placed my lips on his for a second and then pulled away. 

"so much. i love you so much. i wanted to kiss you for so long" he said 

"same" i said. 

i put my head to his chest. i could hear his heart beating so beautifully. i wrapped my arms around his waist and he hugged me back with his arms on my back. 

my emotions overwhelmed me and i started sobbing. 

"don't cry love...i am with you. always" he said. love. he called me love. 

"please don't ever leave me lando , i love you so much" i sobbed into his chest as he kissed my forehead 

"i won't" he said "lets go to sleep , its getting late" he added and i nodded. 

we both lied down on the bed and he cradled me into his chest. i snuggled closer to him. 

"lando?" i asked 

"hmm?" 

"what are we now?" i asked as i did not even know the answer myself. 

"what do you want us to be ?" he asked me 

"a couple?" 

"then that is it" he said 

"but we are not allowed to date... what about that?" i asked

"no one has to find out... we will keep it between the two of us" he said 

"okay" 

"now sleep otherwise you will have a headache tomorrow" lando laughed 

"yeah yeah" i laughed back as i closed my eyes and tried to sleep. 

"hey" lando said 

"hmm" 

"i love you" he said. 

"i love you" i replied. 

i could not explain i was feeling. lando. mine. boyfriend. together. my first ever relationship. i hope i can manage it. 

but right now, i was happy. so happy. lando loves me.

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finalllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 

but trust me , there is more drama to come , this is not the end. 

comment your thoughts.