TOO MUCH FOR US

TIME CHANGES NOTHING

june 

july 

august 

three. three months. that's how long its been since i realised i am in love with lando. since lando has been dating her. time changed nothing. none of my feeling for him were changed. 

its been hurting. so much. every time i see them together , something breaks in my chest all over again. every time i see them laughing and hugging , i am reminded all over again that i will never have lando and that he does not love me and never will. i tried so hard to not think about him but i just cant stop it. every time i see his beautiful , my heart just starts racing faster than my car and then him with her and it all goes away. 

i have been getting solid results for the team between P4 and P8. not the best but i am satisfied. 

i have not been like my old self these past months. god , i wish it would stop hurting so bad.

it was monday again and i was lying in my hotel bed. I did not have anything to do today.

The boys are all out on a small trip that I denied to though I shouldn't have. It could have helped but my stupid mind did not let me for some reason.

Last race had gone well. I got a P4. It was such a good result but i was even happy like I should have been. I don't even know what would make me happy anymore.

I decided to go on a long drive myself to get a change in my mood for good.

It was our last day in Barcelona and the place was worth exploring.

I changes into some casual cloths and got ready.

I was down in the lobby as I saw Maria. God, why do I have to see this bitch so often?  She looked.. angry.

I was walking out of the hotel gates when someone grabbed my arm. And that someone was Maria.

"You can't just stay away from my boyfriend.. Can you?" She said in a jealous tone. What the fuck.

"I did not hit you last time, but this time I swear to god I will for real and I'll hit you so bad and your fucking boyfriend won't be able to stop me , you get it? Fuck off!" I yelled at her face as her jaw dropped in awe.

I snatched my arm away from her grasp and left her.

I made my way to my car and sat inside.

I wanted to distract myself from it. From him.

I put the music so loud that all my thoughts were blocked. The sports car was driving on the bright and lonely road at 180 kmph. I loved speed. The adrenaline flushed through me. The roads were big.

Big enough for me to drift. 

i drifted. so many times. it was crazy and so amazing. the rock and rap music blasting through my car speakers and high speed and constant drifting was the best i felt in these past three months. why did i not think of before ?

after a few hours of long drive , i stopped by a cafe and had some lunch. i was just eating when a call came , from marcus. 

"hello ?" i asked

"where the fuck are you ? you are not in the hotel. are you okay ?" he sounded worried and i realised that i told them that i would stay at the hotel.

"marcus , calm down..." i said

"where are you ?" he asked again

"i went out for a long drive... and right now i am at a little cafe" i said

"oh and when we were asking you to come , you did not and you go alone , that is so not fair saara" he said

"im sorryyy" i said in a puppy voice 

"fine ...but come back early" he said 

"okay mom , bye" i sarcastically said 

"fuck off" he laughed and hung up 

i finished my lunch and drove back to the hotel. it took me two hours to drive back. 

i texted marcus once i was in my room.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

me
hey mom , im back

marcus
good and stop calling me mom before i murder you

me
you cant murder me honey

marcus
oh but i can 

me
kindly fuck off 😘 

marcus
you too 😘

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

it was 12 at night now after a whole day to being in the hotel room after the drive.

the guys and i decided to go the club which was a bad idea. i always do something stupid when im drunk or something weird always happens when im drunk. it never ends well. but today i just wanted to take my mind off it. but i decided i wont drink too much. 

i had about three shots and after a whole lot of dancing , i was back at the hotel. without doing something stupid.

"you sure you will be good ?" arthur asked

"i will be" i smiled 

"okay then bye" he smiled 

"byeeeee" i said and he left and i was back at my room. 

i laid in my bed. it was late at night and i was not able to sleep. 

and the sudden depression hits again. 

lando was all over my mind again. the hurt and the pain from it was twice than before because my senses were heightened because of drinking. i was on the fence right now. not drunk but not sober either. 

drunk feelings took over me and tears slipped through my eyes again. 

should i tell him ? if i tell him , that weight will be off my shoulders. 

should i call him ? it was too late to think because i had already dialed his number 

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i am so sorry for leaving you guys on the cliffhanger right now. 

you all probably hate me for it , but trust me you all will love me for the next chapter ;) 

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