i walk into lottie's room with my head held low; my shoulders holding a guilt i knew was misplaced. although i know i could have cared for myself more, it was a guilt that would eat me alive if i pondered about it for too long. "..hey", i start awkwardly, sitting on the edge of her bed. she looks up to me, staring stoically, then they come. the tears, welling up thick and hot beneath her long lashes. she springs to hug me and as always, i catch her. sitting and holding each other for a while. "when i said i don't care if you pass out, i didn't actually mean it", lottie says breathily, sniffing the remainder of her tears up. "i know, but i do have a flair for the dramatic as you know", i winked at her to soften what tension was left. her shoulders relax and we stare at each other for a while, soaking in our mixed emotions. "you know-.." "you don't have to say it lou", lottie says cutting me off at the same time i try and speak. i bite my lip, this time it's my turn to feel the tears; i blink heavily to avoid them. "i know i don't..but i figured if i'm going to keep doing this i might as well throw in a complementary 'i'm sorry', y'know just as a treat!," even with my lighthearted tone the tears run thick down my face. eventually dissolving into sobs, i vaguely feel the familiar pressure of her arms around me. "why am i like this", the question is one often asked when my illness gets this critical. "well i can think of a lot of reasons, but if i start now i doubt i'll have enough time", lottie responds, muffled by my neck. at that i let out the most genuine laugh i've had in weeks i feel. i wipe the tears from my face with my shirt and sniffle a few times. "if i'm remembering correctly, i thought we said we're not going to ask that question anymore", lottie pokes my side to emphasize her point, making me squirm away. "hey!! don't therapize me when i'm in a shit mood!! like i said i don't need another mum!", i exclaim, "speaking of her, how is she taking this?" i ask hesitantly. "first of all, 'therapize' is not even a word, secondly she's actually not about to self destruct for once, but that is thanks to your special friend!" "and who would that be", i laughed, knowing that i'd have liam to thank for softening the blow. "harry" "harry? ~•~ "harry", i say again, as lottie and i descend the stairs. "oh! lou!", the curly head turns around meeting my eyes, i blink to avert my eyes, only to land on my mum and her sad glistening eyes. just as she goes to get up to meet me, i stop her, "mum, i'm ok", i produce a wobbly smile for her and lean down to hug her, snuggling into her side. she squeezed tight, trying to communicate everything in just a hug. "i'm not dead, mum! and people wonder why i'm so dramatic", i laugh just to not cry again. the silence pulls my focus to other other side of my mum. harry. the tree. the neighbor. right. sitting on my couch, completely unannounced and looking unassuming in his soft brown sweater and grey sweat pants. "well, what a way to ask me if i'm ok", i drop my face to mimic being serious, just to see him scramble. his green eyes widen as he begins to stammers "oh!! l-lou-..i!! how are you doing? i'm so so sorry! oh, um, these are for you!", he says, pulling a small bundle of flowers, and a six pack of mini diet cokes from the side of the couch. "i, um, know you probably don't need things to mess up anything any more than it is..um! not in that way!..just i know regular coke is um-sorry..um..well, uh, liam said you like diet coke more anyway so, here, i guess, um..", he thrusts the flowers and the pack of coke to me, cheeks carrying his flush all the way up to his ears, as endearing as ever. i smile softly, heart softened by my exhaustion and the sweetness of the gesture. "thank you harry, that's very thoughtful. i was just kidding, by the way, your presence alone is enough to show you care if i'm ok. and yes, diet coke is better in taste, but also doesn't skew my blood sugar through the roof", i say with a chuckle. i shift my eyes to the flowers. baby's breath and pink peonies. "um, liam said those were your favorite too..-uh", he says clearing his throat and laughing awkwardly. how endearing. "and my favorite they are! thank you, and i mean it from the bottom of my heart" "see, i told you, he's only grumpy in the morning! other than that he can be a kind hearted, and extremely soft", lottie chimes from the comfy chair by the couch, breaking harry and i's eye contact. harry snorts, "yeah i believed there was a softie in there", he says softly. "well, i'll take the flowers and get them in a vase with some water. meanwhile lou, your friends have been waiting of you to call them back. if you're feeling up for it, i think you should give them a ring", mum says walking to the kitchen. "oh shit! the sleepover!" ~•~ A/N: ok wait this is lowkey awkward but like can i write this again?? cuz yeah i think i'm gonna write this again lol stumbled back on it and now i want to! comment to interact i will respond!! extra photos: lous pjs
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harry's fit
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