Three to One

7. Sasaeng

I close my eyes and lean back in my chair, the L.A. sun warming my skin as I sip my strawberry boba. My phone buzzes in my pocket, probably more hate and more reasons why I shouldn't be or should be or aren't. More message telling me to die for touching Gun. My name tagged in Instagram stories and TikToks where Gun's fans destroy my merch or deface my poster. I swallow, the tears rising up in my throat, and try to take some breaths. Commercial shoot in an hour, then an interview with a popular YouTuber that's actually a fan. A live scheduled for TikTok to perform one of the songs from the album.

Taking one more breath I stand and head up to my room to change for the commercial. They'll take care of my make-up when I get there.

My door is already open when I get to it. Did I not close it all the way when I left? I reach for my phone to call Hae, she would know what to do here-No, I can handle this on my own. Slowly, I push the door open and peer inside. Nothing looks out of place, the bedroom door is still closed and my half-eaten banana is still on the counter with my water mug still perched on the edge of the table. I step in and glance around and venture another step in until I'm all the way to the living room. I go back and close the door, locking it this time, and head to my room to change. The car will be here soon to take me to my shoot.

I change into the bright orange skirt and white top and step into the bright white sneakers and then out of them and into my grey sneakers because I can't get those dirty before the shoot. I close them back in their box and head to the bathroom to grab my tote bag to carry them in. Flicking on the light I see a girl about my age standing in my bathroom, she stands about Hae's height and is about as slight as Gi. I blink and glance around as if more of her will show up and then I see her red-rimmed eyes.

"Are you okay?" I rush to her, scanning her for any bruises. "Do you need a doctor? I can-"

"Is it true," she demands.

"What?" I ask. She holds her phone out to me to show me the same picture I've been seeing for the last two days. Gun kissing me. The image sours my stomach and I back off a step.

"No." I shake my head. "Not officially or anything. We only went on the one date, I..." I clamp my mouth shut. I don't have to explain myself. "Why are you in my hotel room?"

She shoves her phone at me. "Did you make him do that? Is this just a publicity stunt to launch your career you selfish bitch."

"Did I make him?" I laugh, a half-hysterical laugh bubbling out of my chest. "He kissed me."

Her palms smack into my chest, I stumble back and trip over the bathroom threshold.

"Gun would never do anything to hurt anyone and he's still hurting over his band separating." she stalks forward. I scramble to my feet but she grabs my hair and pulls me back. I reach for her arm but she pushes me away. My knees scrape against the carpet as I fall to the floor again.

She crouches over me, her face barely an inch from mine. "You need to stay away from him." she whispers, "got it?"

I open my mouth to say something, anything but she grabs a lock of hair and pulls out a pair of scissors and fear seizes me, holding me in place. She clips the lock off and raises her phone to snap a picture of me and her hand.

"You'll stay in your lane if you know what's good for you." she takes a ziplock bag from her pocket and puts the hair inside and strolls out like nothing happened like she didn't just break into my hotel room and steal a lock of my hair.

Minutes tick by as I sit there, still frozen in place. Deiji would have known not to trust her the second she saw that girl.

My heart slows, returning to its normal pace but I can still feel it in my ears. Hae wouldn't have let her get that close to me.

I glance at the clock a numbness sweeping over my limbs as I climb to my feet. Gi could have charmed her with a smile and BDGH would have had another fan.

The car will be here soon. I have to go.

Retrieving my tote bag from the bathroom and readjusting my outfit I walk down the steps. BDGH had our hotel broken into several times, our tour bus ransacked and the smaller stages charged onto. None of them had ever attacked us like that. It was for autographs or pictures or to sing with us. None of them wanted to hurt us.

The commercial was a blur but I managed a smile, a simple three-step dance, and the orange popsicle product box.

I got through my interview only because the girl actually talked about my album and me and then we did the choreography from my last singles chorus line.

I performed on my live on auto piolet and when I hit the 'end live' button I collapsed onto the ground and curled into a ball. Tears spill down my cheeks as I gasp for air, my chest squeezing so tight I can barely get a breath. My hands shake as I grab my phone and call Deiji.

"Thanks so much for calling, I am busy at the moment but I'll give you a call back, bye!"

"De-Deiji." I stammer out through gasps. "I can't do this alone, I need you." sobs wrack my body as I crack. Tour hasn't even started yet and I'm already failing. "I didn't want to kiss Gun and everyone keeps talking about it and it wasn't that big of a deal at first but then everyone made it one and now one of his fans just broke into my hotel room and-and she cut my hair Deiji. Not a lot but she still cut it and she pushed me down."

Being on stage made it easy to feel small but with Deji and Hae and Gi always beside me I never had. "I feel like dirt, Deiji. I want to go home. I never should have come here." I throw my phone across the room and wrap my arms around myself letting my tears puddle onto the floor.

I want to go home.

I want my friends