The Long, Winding Road

7. Pt.2

The following may be triggering
Please read this with care <3

~

"There's so much about you to love."

I know Charlie is the one holding me, but his touch doesn't feel enough. I can feel myself letting go. Detaching myself from feeling something, I force myself to go numb. After so long of feeling every emotion under the sun, I am starting to feel nothing at all.

I start to feel my hands drop from Charlie's embrace, and I look around emotionless. He leans back breaking a space between us.

He studies me, planting his hand on my cheek, "Ella?" 

His hazelnut eyes fixate over my expressionless appearance. I can sense the worrying going on within him. The bouncing leg, the constant blinking, and darting glances. He fixes my hair, tucking pieces behind my ear like he always does. He glances in my eyes and takes a deep breath. I do the same.

"It's going to be okay, Ella," he says so gently, he practically says it under his breath.

I nod.

He moves his hand over my cheek, "I need to hear you say it."

"It's going to be okay," I repeat with a blank face. Our glances flash back and forth until we finally have each others eyes. He smiles, reaching to take my hand before kissing it.

"You're going to get through this," he adds, but he's turned to his lap, and it sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me.

3:00 PM

When we're walking again, I catch Charlie glancing over at me every few seconds. He doesn't say a word, but his glances let's me know he wants to. Instead, he snakes his hand down my arm, and when he gets to my hand, he intertwines our fingers until he's holding it tight. I can hear his audible relief when I tighten the grip, running my thumb over the grooves of his hand.

The house comes into view when we round a corner, and there waits William on the front porch.

I stop in my tracks, and Charlie steps in front of me and quickly puts his hands on my cheeks so I can only see him. He searches for my eyes, and when his are the only thing I can concentrate on, he nods. "It's me and you, Ella."

When my glance shifts, he moves it back to him. "Do you hear me? It's just us." He says softly, and his grasp never falters from me.

"I'm having bad thoughts," I tell him.

"Then stop thinking," he says simply.

"I don't think I can face them. It was horrible. And Nora—"

"Stop thinking," Charlie says again, a little more forcefully. He leans closer to me, and I look up at him, the heaviness still in my chest as I meet his eyes.

"Kiss me instead," he murmurs. We slowly lean forward to each other, and I press my lips to his, letting him have me in a way that only he can. A moment filled with sadness, hope, and passion. Charlie's tongue touches mine and he pulls me closer, deepening our kiss. His hands travel my body, wrapping his arms around my waist. His touch never ceases to remind me that I'm alive, and it makes me feel things—good things—even when my body tries to reject it.