Winter's Weakness

I Love You

I'd been almost disappointed when I woke up to an empty bed. Steve was nowhere to be found and Bucky was in a weird mood. I couldn't put my finger on why, he'd barely spoken to me all morning.

It wasn't until we sat down to have lunch that he finally spoke to me. "Do we need to talk about last night?" He started pushing his food around his plate.

"How is he today?" I took a bite of my food, watching for Bucky's reaction.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I reassured him that me and him are good. He's just worried he's upset you now. He's gone back to the compound, I said we'd stop by later."

I felt better knowing they'd at least sorted things out between them. The last thing I wanted to do was come between them.

We finished our lunch before I started clearing the dishes away. "He didn't upset me by the way. I was wondering something though." I called out over my shoulder as I rinsed the dishes clean.

He came over and wrapped his arms around me. Resting his head on my shoulder. "That sounds ominous."
I leant into his touch. Whatever was bothering him this morning seemed to melt away. I'd find out what it was later. "Did you know how he felt about me?"

"I knew how he felt about Willow." I could feel him tense up at the mention of my alias. Like he hated remembering it. I felt guilty as hell but I couldn't change it now. No matter how much I wanted to.

I turned in his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. "How come you never said anything?" I didn't blame him for keeping it to himself.

"I told him I loved you, and he seemed okay about it all."

"A heads up would've been nice." I made sure my words were soft and gentle, I wasn't mad I just liked to know things like that. I probably wouldn't have teased Steve as much if I knew how he really felt.

Even though I was making sure to make it clear I wasn't annoyed, that didn't stop him pulling away from me. He manoeuvred out of my grip, walking over to the sofa where he slumped down. The weight of everything clear as day on his face. "I didn't see the point in telling you."

"You were worried I'd pick him." It suddenly all clicked together. I refused to let him pull away from me. I walked over to him, climbing onto his lap so he had no choice but to look at me. "I changed my whole life for you Buck, why do you still doubt my feelings for you?"

"Because of our history," he leaned forward resting his forehead on my chest. I rested my chin on his head, just trying to comfort him in any way I could.
"It's exactly that. It's history." I couldn't understand how he wasn't seeing that. After everything we'd been through, there was nowhere I would rather be than at his side.

He pulled back, brushing a bit of hair out of my face. "You sure it's history?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

His hands rested on my hips, his baby blue eyes staring into mine. "You still have nightmares, waking up screaming in the middle of the night."

"And you don't?" I snapped back. Something about him pulling me up on what I'd tried to hide only agitated me. I wanted to get away from him, I didn't want to tell him about the nightmares. I couldn't.
I struggled to get off him, but he wouldn't let me go anywhere.

His grip tightened, enough to keep me in place but not enough to hurt me. "Yours are about me."
I instantly stopped moving, my heart pounding in my chest. He was never supposed to know about them nightmares. I never wanted him to feel guilty about what happened. Not anymore. The me that wanted that reaction had disappeared and I couldn't imagine putting Bucky through that pain now.