Winter's Weakness

What Next?

The last person Nat expected to see when she stepped out of the shower was Steve. Sitting on her bed with his face in his hands. He wasn't stupid he knew that Y/N was spending more and more time with Bucky alone. Falling back into a relationship with him without Steve this time.

His head snapped up to Nat at the sound of her footsteps.

"Steve?"

"What happened?"

She was supposed to tell Bucky that Y/N was cheating on him. Putting the distance between them that Steve needed. That on top of the fact that Bucky couldn't remember the change in Y/N should've been enough to make her completely his.

"You said he'd still think of her as the villain. He doesn't." Nat explained as she stepped into her closet to get dressed.

Steve wouldn't let that small fact deter him. He was in love with Y/N, given time she could love him back just as much. He just needed time.

"It's just a setback. We'll find another way." He reassured Nat.

Nat had never seen Steve like this, willing to lie and cheat his way to what he wanted. It was a staple in her life, but not his.

"You really do love her dont you." She said as she sat on the bed beside him.

"More than she knows. There's nothing I won't do for her."

Nat nodded, knowing all too well how he felt because she felt it for Bucky.

She smiled at him, trusting him enough to know he won't give up.
"And if this works? Then what?"

"Well. Retirement doesn't sound so bad." He admitted knowing what he'd planned to do once Y/N was all his. He'd take her away from here, from everything that could remind her of Bucky.

Retiring, going behind his best friends back, lying. It was all completely opposite to the Steve Rogers that Natasha knew.

"I know why I'm doing this Steve, but it's not like you."

He knew how different he seemed. The problem was that he just didn't care anymore. He wanted Y/N, he wanted the freedom to be a version of him he didn't have to hide.

"She brought out a side to me that I kind of like." He admitted.

Y/N had always said she enjoyed the darkness in him, the side he never showed anyone. Only time would tell if she meant it or not, but he planned on making sure he was the perfect version of himself for her.

"You'll lose Bucky over this." Nat warned him, making sure he knew the risks.

"It's not ideal but she's worth it."

"Okay." Nat gave him a smile. "So what's next?"

***

Bucky and I had rarely left the bed for the last week. His memories still blurry at best but we were making new ones and I was happy. He seemed to be too as he lifted my hand, his thumb brushing over the fake engagement ring that still sat there.

"You still wear it?" He asked.

While he couldn't remember giving it to me, I'd told him the story behind it. A world away in his eyes but clear as day in mine.

"Ever since you gave it back."

He kissed me on the forehead, his dimples lighting up his face as he smiled. Just laying here with him was all I needed, I'd barely given Steve a passing thought. I didn't want to think about him while I had everything I needed wrapped around me.

"I've missed this." I admitted, laying my head on his chest.

"Memories or not, I'm not giving this up."

"We'll just make new ones." I offered, feeling him smile against me.

While cooking wasn't one of my skill sets, ordering takeaway was. I couldn't decide between pizza and Chinese food, so I ordered both. While we were waiting I checked my phone, another three missed calls from Steve. I didn't know what to say to him so I was avoiding it altogether. I owed him an explanation, but that could wait a little while longer.

"Come here beautiful." Bucky opened his arms from his spot on the sofa.

I went over to him, sitting with my legs over his. His warmth wrapped around me, his scent pushing away any worries I had.

"Why is it without remembering everything I feel so calm with you?" He asked, his large hand cupping the side of my face.

"Sergeant Barnes, I do believe you're going soft." I teased.

"Can you blame me?"

"No." I couldn't, I'd changed immensely for him a change I'd never regret no matter how much heartache it brought me. "It's always been so easy with us."

"Apart from when you were trying to kill me." It was his turn to tease me.

"Not that I ever could."

He kissed me softly, seeing the worry in my eyes. "Did you want me to talk to Steve?"

It would make things easier, but I owed it to Steve to let him hear it from me. 

"I need to tell him in person."

"It's just for now."

"He's your best friend Buck. He'll understand why we need to do this."

Bucky pulled me onto his lap, pressing his lips firmly against mine. He couldn't remember our memories or how we'd fallen in love but there was one thing he was certain of. He loved every part of me.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

My phone ringing again pulled us apart. Steve's name flashing across the screen.

"Answer it doll." Bucky encouraged me.

Climbing off his lap I made my way outside and sat on the steps outside. The second I answered, his voice came through filling me with guilt.

"Y/N? I've been trying to call you. Are you okay?" He asked.

"I know I've been MIA this week. Can you come over tonight?"

Bucky was going out so I knew we'd have the place to ourselves. It wasn't that I didn't want them both in the same room, I just thought that Steve would appreciate the privacy for this conversation.

"Of course I can sweetheart. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm okay." I reassured him the best that I could. "See you later?"

"Yeah I'll see you in a bit. I love you."

I couldn't say it back, that wouldn't be fair to him. My throat went dry, unsure of what to say to him.

"Yeah...me too."

I hung up before I blurted everything out to him over the phone. This wasn't going to be a nice conversation for either of us. Steve had been there for me when I thought I'd lost everything. Pulling me out of my darkness to make sure I was the woman Bucky loved when he came back to me.

Now I was ending things with him. I'd be lying if I said I wanted to because I didn't, but what Bucky needed was more important right now. He had to be my priority and I wouldn't break my promise to him. He wanted me to stop so I would.

It didn't make the pill any easier to swallow. When I was with Bucky it was easy to get lost in us, but sitting outside alone? I felt the pain of ending things with Steve. I was going to hurt him and I just had to hope he understood.