Winter's Weakness

Don't Kill Him

Maps, guns, weapons of all descriptions lay scattered across the table in the house Bucky was staying in. I hadn't called Steve or let him know where I had been all night. I needed to get my mind straight and Steve would give me space, he would have to to keep up the pretence that he was the perfect guy for me.

We'd ordered takeout, Bucky stood leaning against the wall as I picked at my food, my mind in overdrive. I needed a plan and I needed one quickly, Steve needed to pay for what he'd done.

I listened intently as Bucky continued to tell me everything that had happened since we'd been apart. When he told me just how long he'd known about Steve and what he'd done my head snapped up to look at him.

"You've known for a year?!"

"Yeah, Nat she-"

"Do not mention her name!" I snapped at him, my rage seeping out of every pore. "She's next on my list."

Bucky sighed. "She did the right thing in the end doll."

"Don't you 'doll' me." I glared at him. "I'm still mad at you."

He'd left me with Steve for a year, knowing what he'd done to get me there. He left me alone with the man that took everything from me.

"That's nothing new for us." He smiled. "Never used to stop you from loving me."

I hated when he spoke to me like that, reminding me of how far we'd come together. Even back when I hated him I still loved him. That hadn't changed, I would always love and adore the man stood in front of me. It didn't mean I wasn't angry though.

"Can you just let me kill him and then have this conversation?"

It was Bucky's loyalty to Steve that was keeping Steve alive right now. I was more than happy to go and put a bullet between his eyes and call it a day. Possibly a slight overreaction but I didn't care.

"You're not killing him."

It didn't matter how much I tried to think of another way, this was the only thing that I could see that fit the crime. He destroyed my life, now I'd end his. It was just a matter of how.

"I think you'll find I am."

Bucky sighed, shaking his head exasperated at me. "I won't let you go back down that road again." He declared.

"It's not your choice." I barked back, throwing the takeaway container in the trash.

I walked over to the window, staring out towards the street outside. I was envious. Envious of a life I never knew I wanted.

"I get you're angry." Bucky sighed, walking over to me. "I am too."

He just didn't get it. How could he? How could he understand the rage that was surging inside me. The betrayal I'm sure he understood but the fact was that he had had a year to get over that. A year to process it. A year that I had spent in a lie, forged with the blood of my heartbreak.

"I'm well beyond angry Buck."

His hand appeared, gently turning my head to look at him. "And you think I'm not?"

"Then help me." I all but begged him.

He leant his forehead against mine, his eyes fluttering closed. "What does killing him achieve?" He asked gently.

I pulled away from him, unable to let his love deter me from what I knew needed to happen. He may have turned into a hero somewhere along the way but that wasn't me. It couldn't be me. I thrived on the anger and that was the only feeling I had room for right now.