Winter's Weakness

I Can't Lose You

Getting a mysterious text from Bucky to meet him at our favourite bar wasn't how I expected him coming home to go. Something was on his mind, that much was obvious. I got ready in record time, throwing on a little black dress and putting my hair up, I was out the door ten minutes after he text me. I wasn't known for taking ages to get ready, but that was a record even for me.

I spotted him straight away as I walked in. Soft jazz played in the background, the smell of sweat and stale alcohol bringing back so many memories. He was nursing what looked like a scotch as I reached him. I kissed him on the cheek before sitting in the stool next to him.

He slid a drink over to me, giving me a smile that didn't light up his eyes like it usually did. I knew in that moment that I was right about there being something on his mind.
"What's going on Buck?" I asked as I rested my hand on his thick thigh. I'd never tire of feeling him beneath my touch.

"I can't lose you doll, not even to Steve." He admitted, his insecurity catching me off guard. I thought we'd dealt with this, if we hadn't then I would make sure we had by the end of the night. This was exactly why I wouldn't go any further than kissing Steve yesterday. I needed to know Bucky was one hundred percent with me on this.

"You listen to me Barnes. Nothing in this world can take me from you, not even Captain America." I tried to reassure him, gently squeezing his leg so he'd look at me and not the bottom of his now empty glass.

"This thing with Steve. Is it that you love him? Or is it something else?"

I was immediately taken back to the conversation I'd had with Steve last night.

"Before this goes any further, you have to know that nothing will happen if Bucky says no. I love him Steve, more than anything." I pushed on his chest to stop his lips meeting mine. I didn't want him to stop kissing me, but I also didn't want to give him any false hope.

He nodded slowly, actually listening to what I'd said.
"That's fine sweetheart. I know you're Buck's girl, I just enjoy being with you. Especially when we do this." His lips met mine once again, all sensible thoughts seeming to vanish from my mind.

"Steve knows that I love you." I tried to make him see just how much, I wished he could know the level of love I have for him. That it's a type of love I couldn't let go of even if I wanted to. "Me and Steve spoke at great length about it last night."

Bucky nodded, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "I don't mind sharing you with him, as long as it doesn't come between what we've got."

I didn't care that we were in public, I moved from my stool to climb into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Hydra couldn't destroy what we have, what makes you think anything else would?"

"It wouldn't be the first time I'd lost someone to Steve."

I remembered him telling me that they'd shared someone in the past, was that what had led him to be so insecure when it came to doing it again? I wasn't whoever he was thinking about. I was his in every way, nothing anyone said or did could change that.

"My heart is yours Buck, it always has been. If you asked me to choose, it would always be you." I'd shelve any feelings I had for Steve if that was what he wanted. I needed him to know that.

"So what is it about Steve that makes you keep kissing him?" I could tell how much he hated seeming insecure, but he needed answers and I was more than okay with that. A lack of communication had caused problems before, I wouldn't let it happen again.

"Have you seen the man?" I chuckled slightly as he nodded his head in agreement. "He gets this look in his eyes that I can't say no to." The way his eyes darken as he gives in to desires he's always had to fight. It's an addictive look.