1

16 0 0

by VelvetHyacinth

by VelvetHyacinth

I'm your typical ingénue. I'm sweet, uncoordinated, and have wide ocean eyes that beg for endless admiration. I'm more gentle than the summer breeze, and I connect with life and nature like Snow White, except I'd be called Sand Brown (I'm Latin. We don't need another 'milky' skinned main character, please God.)

I literally float down the hallway, rose petals trailing behind me to remind everyone that I am the epitome of perfect. Birds whistle and sing around me while the rabid raccoons I've employed tote my books around. Life is good. Life is perfect. Life is simple - that is, until I see them.

There stand two of the most basic, I mean beautiful, men I have ever seen in my life. One has dark black hair while the other one looks completely and totally different because his hair is slightly less black. They remind me of yin and yang except they're both the dark bit and there's no white half. They're like yin and yin...or is it yang and yang? I don't know - I live in America and have never been taught anything about anything except canned spray cheese and the violation of women's rights. YEEHAW.

Anyway, they obviously have more beef than a Wendy's drive through because their glares are icier than what's left of Antarctica. Men surround them on both sides and I'm not sure if they're going to fight or have a dance battle. Either way, I know I have to stop it. I don't think their pants could handle it if they dropped them thangs.

"Stop!" I cry out, rushing forward. The raccoons follow closely behind me, their cute little mouths foaming from the rabies. The two men's heads snap towards me and their eyes widen like they've never seen a hot, bombshell of a babe before. Maybe they've been staring at each other since birth? Babies are unnecessarily angry.

"You can't do this any longer!" I try to reason with them, pleading with my emerald eyes. The posse of men backing the two bare their teeth at me and snarl, attempting to assert their dominance. My raccoons do it back, flinging rabies foam at them as they shake violently. They're actually biohazardous weapons that the government told me to get rid of, but they come in handy in situations like this so I keep them around.

"We must! This feud has been going on since before we were born. It will live on," the dark haired one growls out, glaring so hard his eye pops a blood vessel. Wow, I love broken men. I can fix him.

"No," I say and a cloud of reason descends from the heavens, covering them all. A collective gasp rises up from the men and my raccoons.

"Wow, actually...you're right. Never mind then!" One of the men says, a new life of peace shining in his eyes. They straighten up from their bent over posture and their hands are no longer on the multitude of guns at their hips. These high school boys must have scared the grown adult school staff enough that they were allowed to bring those in here...but then again, it is also just America so who knows. We tend to be quirky like that.

"Bros?" The dark haired man asks the other slightly less dark haired man. Tears prick his eyes and he nods, holding out his hand.

"Bros!" He says between sniffles. My heart warms as they clasp hands and then yank each other in for the signature dude-bro shoulder bump. My own yellow eyes fill up with tears, thankful that they trust me enough to show me such a vulnerable side of them. I'm honored that these rapscallions have are changing their ways all for little ol' me. I bat my eyelashes at them, letting the joy radiate from my magenta pupils.

"We are now one mafia! We will co-lead...along with our lover," one of them rasps, extending a beefy hand out towards me. I place my hand over my overly large heart and float over to him, hearing the scurry of my raccoons behind me as their dirty little feet scratch at the tile. It's about time they make our relationship public.

"I-I don't know if I'm cut out to help lead a mafia," I stutter out, my voice raising in pitch as I lay a delicate, dainty hand on my cheek. "Why, I'd never hurt a fly."

One of my new boyfriends smiles gently and takes off one of his guns. He removes my hand from my cheek and wraps it around the handle, giving me an encouraging look. I look in between them and take a deep breath as their faith in me fills me. Encouraged by their love and trust in me, I quickly flip around and shoot their men, hitting each of them right in the center of their hearts. BANG BANG BITCHES! They all drop like a Beyonce album. Bloodlust fills me, my red eyes matching the new stains on the floor. My raccoons and I vibrate in murderous, feral energy...until I look back at my new hot boyfriends. They're looking at me with wide eyes.

"Oopsie, I didn't mean to do that," I say shyly, locking my hands behind my back and using my foot to trace on the floor. My boyfriends 'aw' at me and pat my head. I stare at them lovingly with my shit brown eyes.

"It's okay. You've only killed 14 people. You're still our sweetie," they coo in unison. I blush and fling my gun off to the side, squeezing them both with my meaty pythons in a hug.

And this is it. The beginning of my forever with my romanticized mafia boyfriends. Sure, they're in a deadly gang and will continue to hurt innocent people, but I'm okay with it because have you SEEN their abs???...no, really, have you seen them? I haven't seen them shirtless yet and I can't date someone without washboard abs. A girl has to do her laundry on something.

That is something to worry about another day though. Now is the time for celebration, love, and the beginning of a new union. An overdue union.

"I love unions. Especially fried union rings. Those are my favorite," one of my boyfriends says. I gasp. Did he just read my mind?

"No, you're literally talking out loud."

I stare at them with my mouth hanging open. My mafia boyfriends can read my mind...that can only mean one thing...

"No, you're literally talking out loud," my other boyfriend says.

That one thing the mind reading could mean? It can only mean the authors next story is a vampire story.

I gasp and run away from the ending to this book.