It is what it is

14.

1 year ago

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know. My stomach feels weird."

"It's the nerves, babe."

"Maybe. Maybe it is."

"Okay, Chica, let's get you married."

Present day

Danielle and Anna sat on the breakfast table, adjusting into the position as Anna served the scrambled eggs. They had a tradition, every weekend they had a proper breakfast, unlike every other day where a smoothie or coffee would suffice.

They ate in silence, which was definitely awkward. Danielle hadn't spoken much since the wine tasting and Anna understood every bit but she also wished and hoped that Danielle would communicate more. She could tell something was on Danielle's mind, but she didn't want to push anything, fearing that would only make things worse.

"Stefania texted me the other day." Danielle said bluntly while looking at her plate, playing with the fork. "Okay. And? What did she say?" Anna nodded and said with slight hesitation coming across at the end of the sentence. "She just wants to meet and talk." Danielle replied with the same bluntness. "Okay." Anna said, following Danielle's footsteps with being blunt now.

"Just okay?" Danielle asked confused. "What do you want me to say, Danielle?" Anna asked, now getting up to put the dishes away.
"I don't know. I-I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner." Danielle felt guilty.
"It's fine. It's a lot, I know. Yes, I do wish you would've said something sooner, but I also understand where you're coming from." Danielle gave her wife a shy smile because of how understanding she was being. "If you think that you need to speak to her, then go for it. You deserve the closure. I'm not worried." Anna continued speaking and giving her wife the same smile.

"How are you so calm about this situation? Because if the tables were turned, I'd be fuming." Danielle said while chuckling a little. "Am I fond of her? No, Danielle, I'm so not fond of her. But I am so very fond of you." She said as placed a soft kiss on Danielle's lip. Danielle just smiled in response, feeling guilty, that all she could think about in that moment was Stefania.

Later that evening, Danielle had texted Stefania about meeting at the coffee shop, where they met all those years ago, the one that Danielle owned. She didn't know why she agreed on meeting there, but it was the closure that mattered the most, so she went with it.

It was still quite sunny as Danielle parked her car in front of the coffee shop. She got out and entered, the staff immediately acknowledging the presence of their boss.

"Hey guys, just keep doing what you're doing. I'm just here for a meeting." She assured them and went on to sit at the table in the corner.

As she sat there, scrolling through Instagram on her phone, she heard the main door of the coffee shop open, she immediately knew who it was. She didn't even have to look at her, she just knew it was Stefania who had now walked in through the doors. She looked up and she saw the prettiest woman ever, and then it hit her, it was Stefania, not her wife, she can't be thinking this way about anyone but her wife.

Stefania saw Danielle sitting in the corner and gave her a shy smile as she approached her. Danielle saw her coming so she stood up, the very air was different, it was awkward as fuck.

"Hey." Stefania said shyly as she got to the table.
"Hey. Please take a seat." Danielle said gesturing towards the chair.
They both sat down and it became even more awkward. That's how these thing generally go. It's damn awkward to face the tough times, the tough situations, the tough repercussions.
"Um, so what do you wanna drink?" Danielle asked.
"You don't remember what I drink?" Stefania asked, giving her a slight smirk.

Danielle didn't say anything, she just got up and told one of the staff members her order. She sat back down and looked right into Stefania's eyes this time.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
"You know what I want to talk about."
"Ya well, this is not a guessing game Stefania. Just say what you want to say." Danielle snapped.
"Right, I'm sorry." Stefania said as she took a moment to compose herself for what she was about to say.

"I wanna start by apologising obviously. And please don't interrupt me. Just let me get it all out, I hope to be as honest as possible." Danielle nodded, agreeing to Stefania's plea.
"You didn't deserve that. My life turned upside down. I was so overwhelmed, I still am. I've been for three years now. I gave up everything in an instant, my job, this country, emotions, you." She said that last word so very softly.

"You did not deserve any of it. And I don't want you to feel that Im saying all this to make you feel better or something. I mean it. I made a decision, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life, or what's left of my life."

"Is there something wrong? Are you sick?"

"No no, please just let me finish. There's nothing wrong with me physically, but I don't have anything to fight for, to live for. And being back in Italia, with my brother and my mum, it means something obviously, but I don't feel anything. I haven't in a long time. I'm also not saying all this in order to gain sympathy or anything, I know you'd want me to be honest and that's all that I'm doing."

"Yeah but you can't. You can't come here and say all this. What am I meant to say? What do I do? Stefania, you left me all those years ago and okay you regret it, but in that moment, my whole life, it was you. It was taken away from me. You took it away from me. We're meant to go through these things together, you chose all of this. And now you come here, tell me that you regret it? You work with your brother now? You gave up on a dream job that you were so bloody good at. You gave up on me. You gave up on us. And yeah, you were in a dark, bad, harsh state. I would have been there through it all, I would have done everything for you. Instead you put me in the same state as you, willingly." Danielle said.

"You can't say that, D. You can't tell me that what I did was to hurt you. I couldn't feel. You meant the world to me until every damn thing in the world meant nothing." Stefania said with teary eyes.

That sentence hit Danielle. You meant the world to me until every damn thing in the world meant nothing.

"So why are you here now?" Danielle asked

"I don't know."

"I'm married."

"Oh. I thought she was your girlfriend. But congratulations." Stefania said with immense hesitation in her voice.

"And I'm happy with her, Stefania."

"I didn't question that at any given point, but I'm glad she makes you happy."

Those words hurt Danielle. She wanted Stefania to be angry, to be jealous, to give a not nice reaction but instead she was just being politically correct.

They looked at each other for what felt like an eternity until Danielle's phone started to ring and they eventually had to snap out of it.

"Ya, I'll be there soon. Bye baby." Danielle said as she hung up.
"I should let you go, your wife is waiting for you." Stefania said with an honest smile on her face.

But Danielle wasn't smiling. She was irritated, she was angry, she was hurt.

"Ya whatever, Bye Stefania." Danielle said as she got up and left.

The minute Danielle left, Stefania sat there alone on the table. She cried hard. She cried for the first time in a very long time.

a/n

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