Eruri stories(Erwin x Levi)

Oneshot's 37

A: N More dumb eruris. This time they decide to go to a museum. What could go wrong?

Wrong question.
What couldn't go wrong?

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Once upon a time Levi and Erwin had a bad idea. Following events were unfortunately not the results of drinking too much alcohol, neither were they directly related to drugs. Sadly the whole event happened merely because of Erwin and Levi's natural stupidity.

"Levi and Erwin had a bad idea" - well that was quite a regular thing when it came to the two of them. But we're going to focus on a specific bad idea - the one that involved going to a museum.

Of course museums don't sound like a bad idea to normal people like us. You can learn many new things about cultures and environment - in general they're very educational and interesting.

Well, that's what it should have been like for Levi and Erwin too. They decided that they spent too much time at home (in bed), doing unimportant things (having sex) and that they should go out and see the world for a bit. The obvious choice was a museum since it connected Erwin's thirst for new knowledge and Levi's - as he would put it - tendency to "stare at shit".

Instead of actually using the internet for something else than just instagramming pictures of his socks, Erwin didn't bother to look up a specific museum simply saying "we'll go to the one in the town centre".

After buying the tickets from a very orderly looking young lady, they were allowed to enter the building.

The first exposition was full of paintings - all of them had houses and horses on them. While Levi complained about this being some fucked up picture cloning attempt, Erwin was peacefully inspecting the informational texts they got. The next time he looked up from a very interesting passage about symbolics of death in Eastern Europe, he saw in front of him Levi cringing at a painting, squinting hard. Slightly amused, Erwin watched as Levi came closer to the painting, cringed, then squinted again and licked his thumb. Not amused anymore, Erwin realized that Levi had begun wiping the painting with his thumb, smearing paint all over the poor horse's head, making it look like a kiwi with legs.

Dragging Levi away before the strict lady at the entrance noticed something, they entered the second room. This one was full of - naked - statues. The occassional "This guy probably never saw boobs in his life" and "That's not how sex works" may have echoed really loudly in the room, but the two families there didn't seem to (or pretended not to) care. Another few visitors wandered into the room, whispering.

Finally Erwin stood in front of the last statue. It was a man, pointing somewhere with his finger and he was - once again - naked. Very detailed and naked. Erwin stared. Erwin stared some more.

Until:

"Hey Levi, doesn't this penis look like mine?"

This time the whole room started staring at them. One of the mothers started rushing her children out of the room.

Without caring about the audience, Levi turned to look at the statue, tilting his head slightly then coming closer and casually grabbing the stone dick in his hand. A scream could be heard but he didn't even flinch.

"Nah, yours is bigger," Levi shrugged and stepped away from the statue, suddenly realizing that the whole room had suddenly emptied.

Holding hands, they came to the next room. It was a smelly dark place with a giant mammoth in the middle. The prop was surrounded by some fake flowers and trees.

"That thing is like thirty times your height," Erwin giggled.

"Yeah it's probably as big as your eyebrows," Levi deadpanned and Erwin stopped laughing.

"Piece of shit. You couldn't get as high even if you smoked an entire field of weed."

"Oh I'm gonna show ya," Levi narrowed his eyes.

He would show him indeed.

The only sound disrupting the quiet chatter was a sudden RRRRIPPPP before a loud THUD. Levi was on the ground and with him, the mammoth's tail. Erwin cackled madly while Levi sputtered and glared - well their fun was cut short by the museum guard appearing and chasing them out.

They were not allowed into the institution ever again.

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A:N Sorry Not sorry:)