Eruri stories(Erwin x Levi)

Oneshot's 35

A: N  Yeah I'd say I'm Sorry but I'm Really Not

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"We're out of salt, and basically all other food and I'm really fucking hungry," said Levi one day.

It was a warm afternoon, the sun slowly streaming through the curtains into the tiny kitchen, golden glow swallowing the white table. Outside was heard the chirping of birds and shouts of children coming from school, playing on the way home. Tiny leaves on thick branches of the tree outside fluttered in the wind, occassionally falling down. The smell of ripening fruit and hot sun entered the room in lazy waves. The neigborhood was lively as children played football on their parents' yards, and teenagers smoked behind garages while listening to loud music that Erwin deemed very inappropriate after hearing some of the lyrics, dealing with way too many "pussies" and "asses", and unfortunately it seemed the author was not trying to describe the wonderous fauna around him but rather something quite different.

It was a perfect Sunday for staying home, reading books and brewing coffee that no one would drink because it was too hot. That's what Erwin had in mind at least.

Levi was not much of a romantic on the other hand. So naturally after complaining about being "really fucking hungry", Erwin sighed deeply (oh what a tortured soul he was), got up and headed to the shops with Levi.

Except for the part when Erwin nearly ran over some kids with the car, the drive went pretty smoothly, their small talk centering around Erwin explaining the plot of his latest book and Levi pointing out whenever something was too - as he would say - "boring like straight people fucking in the night trying not to wake their kids up". The conversation was quite helpful actually - despite Levi's intention to make every second word a swear one - as Levi was great at helping Erwin adjust his plots so that they weren't completely dull and predictable. Well except for the parts when Levi would just tell Erwin to kill everyone off and leave him alone - but that only happened when Levi was in a bad mood, and he was in a bad moon only during bad weather, so today was a lucky day.

The supermarket was huge, cold and Erwin didn't like it. He still couldn't remember where the rice was or even where to pay - sometimes he thought that if not for Levi being with him, he would probably end up not paying - on accident. Levi grabbed a trolley and started strolling down the aisles, seemingly searching for something. Sometimes he would grab a can of beans or some fresh vegetables (that neither of them would ever eat because they didn't like healthy food, but they liked to pretend they did) and throw it at Erwin, who had to catch it (and with only one hand that was quite the task - Erwin still remembered that one time when he caught a can of bean sprouts so unfortunately that he hit himself in the face with it and ended up knocking down some canned sweet corn.

Erwin on the other hand simply walked behind Levi, sometimes taking the trolley when Levi was too busy inspecting which chilli looked better. It was a slow leisurely activity, the loud hum of the ventilators and occassional co-shoppers breaking the silence.

The whole trip seemed quite routine, rather boring to Erwin. Until it wasn't anymore.

See, Erwin was easily distracted. And as he stood by the cheese display, wondering why a huge blue cow was mooing at him from the TV screen, Levi disappeared. Erwin really tried not to panic. He started rationally going through aisle by aisle but soon he was going in circles and felt like Hansel and Grethel. Except it probably wouldn't be a good idea to climb on the huge mass of toilet paper and try finding Levi from there.

Somehow he was able to drag himself to the cashiers. One of them, an elderly woman with a piercing in her nose was very friendly when he explained the situation to her.

"I lost Levi, is there a way of finding him?"

"Oh, don't worry. What does he look like?" she smiled and flashed her rotten teeth.

"He's very short, black hair, angry all the time," Erwin mused and the lady nodded.

"Well no worries, we shall find him in a moment," she said and handed him to the manager (not quite literally though, the poor woman would probably break her back trying to lift him up).

The manager was very helpful and friendly too. Erwin was so glad. The manager explained that she would stream a message on the speakers and that Levi would surely turn up.

"Attention Levi..."

"Ackerman," Erwin whispered.

"Ackerman," the manager coughed. "Your father is here looking for you. Please show up by the cashiers! Thank you!"

Erwin thanked the woman earnestly and she just nodded. Waiting by the cashiers, chatting with the old lady there from time to time when there was no customer around, he finally saw Levi again. Said man looked like a bee had stung him in the ass. And no, Erwin wasn't a fan of profanities, but he couldn't express it otherwise accurately. With murder in his eyes, Levi approached Erwin, a bag of groceries in his hand.

"You're an idiot," Levi stated calmly, took Erwin's hand and left with him, leaving the entire shop in shock.

And unless the cashier got a heart attack right then and there, she remembers till this day.