Sidharth turned and looked at Shehnaaz who was already looking at him with guilt filled in her eyes. She knew it was a blunder created by her , her 5 years of suffering was all her fault. If she would have talked things out with Sidharth or waited for him to tell her about his choices, everything would have been fine now, they both would have been living a happy life, a life they both craved and wanted.
Sana- I am sorry Sidharth (she whispered it as slowly as possible , her voice heavy and shaking , breathes uneven, eyes turning pink or should say red , tears filled in her eyes but controlling them by joining and pressing her fingers together.)
Sidharth held her hands softly , separating her hands from each other , he slowly and softly raised her head up by his other hand placed under her chin.
Sid- Sidharth ki jaan namasamjh hai pata tha per roti hai itna yeh nahi pata tha . . .
Shehnaaz slowly looked up at him , does he still consider her his life ? his love ? does he still love her ? has he forgave her for all the stupid things she did ? has he not moved on from her ?
Sana- I didn't knew what was I up to until it was few years , I know what I did to you , me and our relationship , it was all wrong but trust me Sidharth whatever I did had a real care hidden in it. All I wanted was , to you be happy , I did not wanted you to deny your father's last wish for you because of me , and just to make it easier for you decide I took the step which I still regret and will regret for life. I know it must have been hard for you exactly the way it was hard for me or to be exact i know it was harder for you because I knew that I was leaving but for you , you lived with a proper closure. A closure you deserved in our relationship , which I should have given to our relationship so that you can live in peace, so that I can live in peace.
Sid- It's alright Sana , let bygones be bygones. Let's start it all fresh ? huh ?
Sana- No Sidharth , I do not deserve even a single bit of you , you need someone in life who is not like me , someone who will never leave you nor do anything stupid like me.
Sid- Enough is enough Shehnaaz , you already took a decision 5 years back and it brought no good to any of us , this time please let's do it together , you will not press any of your things on me nor I will do anything like that . . . is that clear ?
Sana- hmm ... (she nodded her head up and down , agreeing to his words)
Sid- well good , now listen to me carefully , we will start everything fresh and will just keep happy memories with us. we both have had a lot of hard times in life which neither of us can move on from , but we can try to improvise the mistakes and let them make us a better version of what we are. The only thing we need to remember is that we love each other , and are surrounded by people who love us.Sana- So are you not mad at me anymore ?
Sid- no I am not (he said tucking her hair back ) are you mad at me though ?
Sana- mad at you for what ?
Sid- for not picking the calls up ? for not being with when dadi left all of us ? or
(shehnaaz kept her finger on his lips , stopping him to speak any further)
Sana- You yourself told me right now , let bygones be bygones . So no I am no more mad at you for anything Sidharth.Sid- Now you need to take rest.
Sana- is mummy ji angry though ?
Sid- actually . . . actually , shehnaaz
Sana- you are freaking me out Sidharth , for god's sake tell me what is it ?
Sid- actually the day we found the letter , I tried looking for you , and I couldn't find you anywhere , in one of the pages your wrote something where mom knew something that no one else knew , so I asked her but she didn't tell me anything so I left the house that night Shehnaaz. I did not lived with mom anymore , was in no touch with any of our friends or even with Shweta di. I was so mad at myself and you that in that rage I gave pain to everyone close to us.
Sana- what ? Oh my god Sidharth , how could both of us be so self centered that in our pain we forgot about everyone else. Mummy ji's health is not always good you know about that right ? How could you leave her then ?
Sid- I kept all servants for her to keep a check on her .
Sana- She needs you more than any servant Sidharth. She loves you more than she loves any body or anything in this world.
Sid- I am so sorry , i know you are right.
Sana- apologize to mummy ji not to me Sidharth , with you I too have to apologize from her because whatever you did or said was all because of me.
Sid- hmm
Sidharth then slowly wrapped his arms around her and she too slowly did the same , coming closer to each other they finally hugged tightly, not leaving each other even for a single second.
Sid- Shehnaaz I love you , do you still love me ?
Sana- I never stopped loving you Sidharth... I loved you in the past , I love you in the present and will love you in future.
Sidharth was happy listening to that and Shehnaaz was relieved to tell him that.
Sid- now get some rest Shehnaaz.
Sana- hmm... please (she held his hands and indicated him to sleep with her )
Sidharth nodded with a smile , his eyes little teary not because he was sad or anything but because it had been so long for them to share a bed, or to be close to each other.
Sana- Sidharth ?
Sid- hmm ?
Sana- I need to tell you something more about me , in these past years everything about me stayed the same leaving that I have some issues regarding my life .
Sid- you don't have to tell me everything now baby , take your time.
Sana- We have already wasted so much of time Sidharth , let me tell you everything.
Sid- Ok go ahead , I am listening.
Sana- After dadi's death all the flashbacks of my parents death started coming. I used to feel anxiety all the time, was not able to sleep at night's or day's , due to which I was getting week , I had so many things on my mind at that time , Shehbaaz's studies , my studies and job , leaving you and mummy ji and with all that those creepy flashbacks, I didn't realized when I was all surrounded by the darkness , that depression. I thought I was doing all well and fine , everything seemed okay , but nothing was fine. Everything , the things that used to cheer me up seemed depressing , all those things had something or the other to do with the people who were not with me anymore. I used to feel tired and empty and all the other symptoms so I thought to get myself checked , but then I realized that it was nothing physically it was all mental sickness. Then I met one of the mind therapist who recommended me of a psychologist Dr.Tani , she diagnosed me with depression , I took medicines , went to therapies , did everything she asked me to do and it did went off well and I was doing much better than before, but few months back I again started having anxiety. I tried not to think about anyone from the past but nothing worked at that time I had to go out of town for a week for a ceremony where I saw you , I thought to talk to you , meet you but then I saw you with a women who was young and pretty , I saw you both in the elevator together and thought she might be your wife , because that's what I always believed , you being married that was the time I didn't had anything else than to just forget about you so when I came back here I indulged myself into my work so much which made me forget about you , and depression both , but alas I forgot to take my depression medicines everyday but could never forget you.
Sid- Shh... calm down , it's ok , darling it's all fine now, we are both together , everyone is with us , everything will be fine soon. And your depression , we will work on it together . Whatever it takes , how much time it takes. We will be in it together.
Shehnaaz nodded her head and hugged him tightly , soon both of them drifted off to sleep.
Shweta with Abhay and Baaz entered the room , after knocking for 5 times.
all of them saw Sid and naaz hugging each other while having a peaceful smile on their faces.
Abhay- Let's get going then , Leave their food here on the table if they will feel hungry they can warm it and have it. "
Shweta- yes ...
Abhay- Shehbaaz you take your clothes and stuff and shift with us for tonight , have food there and stay with us. So these two can get their time away from all of us.
Baaz- Ji Abhay bhai.
They helped baaz pack the stuff and left the house.
____________________________
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FanfictionCOLLEGE ROMANCE Pyaar ek dhong hai or mein dhongi nahi ~ Sidharth Pyaar ek bhaavna hai jo har kisike naseeb mein nahi ~ Shehnaaz Mein apni kismat khudh likhta hun ~ Sidharth Mein apni kismat mein likhi har cheese ko khushi se apnati hun~ Sheh...