Adam Levine? He's my dad

She Will Be Loved (Part 1)

Adam’s POV:

                I opened my tired eyes slowly as I heard a loud cry made by someone beside me.

“Amanda…” I took the two-year-old baby from the cot beside the bed and tried to calm her down. But it ends up making her cried even worse. I released a big sigh. It’s never been a good thing being a single dad. I just hated it.

It’s been a week passed after I divorced Christina. I just realized that I couldn’t live alone, without her. I just realized that I couldn’t even sleep soundly without her by my side. I just realized that Amanda needed a mom.

A mom that could take a really good care on her.

Me and my ego. Blame on me, blame on me, blame on me.

“Amanda, please don’t cry. It’s daddy here,” I hopefully wished that she would shut her cries quickly. She couldn’t stop herself from crying. I never knew what she wanted now. Was she hungry? Did she need me to change her diapers?

Ugh.

I felt like I didn’t want to give a damn about her now. I was just too tired. I just could sleep now, though I hadn’t slept in a week, since Christina left me. I missed her arms around me, and my arms around her. I missed everything. I just wasted everything. I felt my world was really in the brink of destruction.

Mess.

I put her back into her cot without calming her down. I sighed and lands back my heavy head on the pillow. I took the pillow at the back of my head and covered it on my face.

I was just sick of this.

I was too dumb to realize everything.

---

The song Fighter by Christina Aguilera played on the radio. I missed this voice. I missed her voice. I missed her voice waking me up every morning, her voice that always laugh along with my jokes, her voice that always sing me to sleep, her voice that always whispers sexy things to me. But now, I lost it all. All of them. And I want all that back. I want all that.

Cause it

Makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

I didn’t know why, but since she left me, she kept making songs – telling that she’s strong and getting stronger. Maybe she really meant it to me. She’s a strong woman, I knew it. But her strength was getting me weaker. It just getting me weaker and drowning, lost in my weakness.

Please, get me out of here, please, Christina.

“Daddy,” Amanda’s ten-year-old voice snapped me out of my waist-deep thought. I turned my head to her and curved a warm smile. When I looked into her face, I just couldn’t believe it that it’s been 8 years since Christina left me. Wow, I never knew that I was surviving this long.

“Who sings this song, daddy?” she asked, while pointing to the radio. Her green eyes were glittering, waiting me to answer her question. I was quite shocked for her question. How could she ask me such question? Did she know that Christina is her mother? I never told her before because I intended to keep this as a big secret. I’ll tell her when the time comes. I swear to myself.

“Christina Aguilera, of course,” I answer it calmly. My heart race when her name flies out of my mouth.

She nodded, keeping herself silent again. I didn’t know what played in her mind until she could ask me such question.

“You want to be a great singer like her? She’s amazing, right?” I asked her, praising her own mother.

“Um, I don’t know. I want to be a singer like you, daddy,” she said it cutely and pointed her finger to me. I stretched my smile longer and let out a grin. How adorable and clever my daughter is.

“Yeah, you can be like me,” I pinched her chubby cheek while she’s trying to take my hand off her cheek.

---

“Daddy!” Amanda’s voice snapped me out from my work, packing things for my world tour. I stopped myself from packing things and I paid her more attention as soon as she approached me.

“Yes, love,” I said, kneeling down and placed my hand on her small shoulder.

“Where are you going?” she asked, pointing to my luggage.

“I’m going for a tour, for my band,” I explained softly. But now she started to sob. I knew she didn’t want to let me go. She only had me in her life now. And of course, I only had her in my life right now, she’s my only sweetheart, my only one I really had, really needed to protect, really needed to share my love to.

“Don’t leave me, daddy,” her words mixed with her sobs. It tugged me inside, just deeply inside. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Amanda.

“What else can I do? It’s my job, honey,” I looked into her watery beautiful eyes again.

“When will you home again, daddy?” she asked, her sobs slowed down slowly.

“Um, I don’t know,” I answered with my tone lowered. I didn’t want to hurt her, really. I was just quite unsure about it. I knew, and she must know that my job would be quite busy.

But right after I answered her question, she started to cry again. She’s already ten but she still acted like a little kid.

“You won’t find a new mom for me, right?” the question that slipped off her lips shocked me. My jaws fell slowly.

“Um, yeah,” I answered, hesitantly.

I couldn’t promise. I couldn’t lie.

But how to make her happy without hurting her in the end?