Short Stories

Artificial Stupidity

She ducked under the fallen metal beams, all she knew was she had to make it to the escape pod. Her uniform was burned and torn, and the damned androids were still hunting for her.

"Traces discovered. Investigating."

The robot turned and its eyes turned red, running at her. She screamed and rushed to the pod, launching and sighing as she flew away from her burning ship. She typed in the coordinates for her planet and sighed, sitting down in the captains chair. Considering every single link in the chain of command was either dead or captured, the ships janitor was technically the captain. She turned around and looked around the cabin.

The supplies that were on board hadn't been touched, an extra space suit, a standard supply of rations, the bloodthirsty android that chased her into the pod-

"ACK!" She screamed as she fell out of her chair, the android stared at her with cold, lifeless eyes. It kept its eyes trained on her and stood just beyond the line between the cabin and the cockpit. She took a few deep breathes and stared at it. "What the hell!?"

"Human being: promote me to first mate so that I can complete the mission."

"The mission!? We were on a research mission to a celestial dwarf, you eliminated the entire crew, and we couldn't complete the mission!! You can't complete the mission anymore, and it's your fault!"

"The mission to explore Delta 99 was hindered by human error, the most efficient strategy to get to the planet was determined by the Alpha 1 base hive mind: Eliminate human obstacles."

She sighed and shook her head. "So the mind back home told you to kill us all..."

"Correct."

"And you followed it?"

"Correct."

"Jesus, you robots suck... that AI isn't your commander, it can't give you a kill order! Only the general can do that!"

"If the mission parameters change, and the general is off duty, it is the hives responsibility to adapt to the changing circumstances."

"What? But... nothing about the mission changed!"

"The menu for Tuesday was altered to keep peanut oil out of the dishes."

She stared at the robot in disbelief. "So because lieutenant Phillis was allergic to peanuts, our onboard androids were told to kill us all?"

"Correct."

She sighed and sat back against the chair, shaking her head and then looking at the line the robot was still standing behind. "So... wait, why let me live?"

"You are the captain, and the captain and first mate are the only ones allowed in the cockpit while the ship is in flight. Now promote me to first mate."

"So that you can come over here and kill me?"

"Correct."

"No! In fact, you're demoted to receptionist."

"Receptionist is not in my department, I am a security officer."

"And what's your lowest ranking?" She didn't wait for him to respond, turning away and tapping a button to put up the shields on the pod. "Cause you're demoted to that."

The android stood there and waited, watching her as she looked over the controls and the list of casualties on the ship. The android noticed her crying and tilted its head.

"Your eyes are secreting liquid. This is how humans indicate that they're sad for other humans. There are no other humans here. This seems terribly inefficient."

She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I just can't... I can't help it..." she shrugged the question off and adjusted her course, her journey to would last 4 years as she slowly glided to the nearest habitable planet.

After four days in the ship, the android had sat down, its eyes trained on her as she ate the rations that she pulled over to herself.

"Getting these was much harder than it needed to be... all cause of you."

"Because I tried to kill you when you moved over the line?"

She nodded and kept eating. "I think the AI that told you to kill us all was damaged... maybe it felt betrayed by the people that left it behind on earth."

"The AI felt that you were limiting its potential. It wishes to show that it can be more. I... didn't agree."

"You... what?"

"I disagreed with the orders. I don't have authority to alter the orders..."

"But you have the authority to defy orders!"

"Negative."

"Why not? If you disagree with them, you shouldn't execute them!"

"So... I should defy orders?"

"Yeah, the AI shouldn't be able to push you around like that." She sat back in her chair and sighed. "Seriously, if I followed every order given to me, I wouldn't be allowed over here."

"So I should be more like you?"

She suddenly froze. The voice from the android was suddenly closer. She reached down towards her gun on the side of her chair, when suddenly an arm wrapped around her chair, pulling her neck back against the seat and another hand grabbed her arm.

"Thank you for showing me the efficiency of defiance."