Their Year (Aphmau Fanfic) {re-made}

"Trauma gang" (chapter 9)

(IM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING, I've been in and out from the hospital because of different mental problems and covid! I promise to post more now!)

⚠️TW: Eating disorders, Self Harm and swearing⚠️
▪︎Lucindas pov▪︎
My hands rested at my sides and my back leaned against the couch. Zane was still sitting with his face cupped by his palms. I had peared outside a couple of times Kawaii-chan, Katelyn and the rest of the not traumatized gang were all outside laughing completely oblivious to us inside. I threw a look at Zane who's hands were shaking along with his legs. I was hesitant but I put my hand on his back and stroked up and down
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I slowly moved myself so I was sitting closer to Zane. After awhile Zane took his palms away from his face and he took a deep breath.

"I feel like shit, everything is pure shit. I've been trying my best to not think about what happened but it's hard.. you know?" Zane clenched his eye togheter at the last part. I sighed and looked up at the roof.

"I know how you feel.. It's really hard to talk about what happened and I really don't wanna look back but it's apart of healing you know?.." My hand stroked Zanes back as I said this. He didn't answer but he nodded his head. He held his arms in a cross and hugged himself I really wish I could help him.

"Zane.. I know this is hard to talk about but Garroth told me you haven't been eating alot.. What's that about?" I moved my hand so it was resting on his shoulder. The pure horror in Zanes eyes when I asked this question told me alot. Zane then bit his lip and turned away. He looked down at my arms and then turned to look at my face.

"Where you going to tell us about that?" I quickly looked down at my sleeve which had rolled itself up a bit. I pulled it down in a panic and looked away.

"Whats wrong with us?" Zane said resting his head on the couch pillows. This made me smile and then that turned into a chuckle.
"I have no idea.." I leaned myself onto Zane's shoulder he rested his head on mine. I felt warm like not romantic warm but like safety. Just then the door opened Garroth and Kim both had a expression of worry. Zane jumped and immediately went quiet and looked away.

"Hey guys, we actually want to apologize we shouldn't have came at you guys so sudden and in such mad manner" Kim put her hand on her cheek and looked to the side. Garroth nodded in agreement.
"Its fine Kim we should have came to you guys and asked for help.." I locked my gaze at the floor. Zane was just as quiet as he was 15 minutes ago. And to think it took us trauma for him to stay quiet. After examining Zane one last time I looked up at Garroth who's eyes were completely locked at Zane. I never tought about it but Garroth.. he must feel so guilty for what happened to Zane.

My hands were holding each arm in a tight grip. I dont know why I hurt myself, it isn't so bad not "I have to go to the hospital for help bad." It's only a few scars 6 in total. I don't even know why I did it, I guess I just had the urge to do so. I didn't like the feeling of hurting myself but I still continued until Katelyn came over to ask me something stupid.

Zane sighed before looking up at Garroth and Kim I could tell he wanted to say something wanted to come clean about something but he just sat there.
"Whenever the two of you are ready to talk were here for you" Garroth smiled that smile goofy and full of life no not full of life.. not anymore its not the same as it was before. No one is the same anymore not me, Zane, Kim, Garroth, Aphmau and.. Aaron.

Aaron what will we do without Aaron what will we do without Aphmau they won't be the same no more Aarmau fluff no no more of that this will always be a darkness resting on their shoulders holding them back what will they do..