Their Year (Aphmau Fanfic) {re-made}

Big brother part 2 (chapter 13)

"Zanes pov"
It's autumn now which marks 5 months after the events in the lodge. I honestly can't believe it. Aphmau has started too spark a bit of joy again and Lucinda has been holding out from relapse for 4 months now, im honestly so proud of her I wouldn't be able too carry the feeling of hurting my friends in the physical ways Ein forced her on my shoulder. And her theory on forever potions has grown, she believes maybe the emeralds Ein used has diffrent types of magic too them like the ones he used in Aphs were stronger than mine that's why they settled on her faster. I honestly think that theory is the best one yet.

I sit on the wooden chair by the dining table in the kitchen, starring down ok the mass of food on my plate. I don't understand why I don't eat it. Sometimes I want to eat and I do but sometimes I don't.. I just don't understand. I rest my face on my palm and sigh loudly. I've gone down a few pounds which would be a good thing but not in this situation, I dont feel good about it at all. Just as I'm about to abandon the food and throw it out a familiar voice pierces trough my thoughts. "Zane? Are you still here?" Garroth stands in the stairwell and looks down at me. I stutter a bit before I actually get something out "I was just... Thinking." I cross my arms and look down at the food.

"I wanted to talk with you actually.." Garroths voice changes, like it changes to that tone that one tone which I know he's serious. "Yeah, about what?" I say my eyes not moving away from the plate. "What have you eaten today?" He asks me as he takes a place beside me. I'm taken aback about his approach, he sounded so calm while asking. "I well.. I've eaten. I-" Why can't I lie?! Stop stuttering you idiot?! Garroth raises his eyebrow as I continue to stutter. "Im just not hungry." I say avoiding eye contact. "Zane I've been your brother since... well since you were born, I know when your lying." His expression looks almost disappointed. My ears go red in embarrassment, I know im cornered.

"I ehm.. Its hard to explain. Some days I feel like eating, and others I just don't want to.. I dont know it's stupid." I shake my head as I try and explain my feelings. "Its not stupid." Garroth perks his head up and clenches his fists. "Look I've been researching on trauma response, and losing the feeling of eating is extremely normal and you shouldn't be ashamed to talk about!" He sounds defensive, almost like he's mad at my attempt of calling my problem stupid. I'm completely dumbfounded by this and keep quiet. Garroth takes a deep breath. "Zane, you've been trough trauma. Responding to trauma is normal, it's part of the healing process. But I need you to trust me and let me help you."

Garroths hand rests on my shoulder softly. Let me help you. What am I doing? I hunch forward and cross my arms, I try to stop it prevent it. But the liquids are already leaving my eyes followed by me gasping for air. Garroths arms are hesitant but soon embrace me, it's good I want it. My arms find themself around Garroths back and I cling to his shirt. My tears falling down onto him. "I'm sorry... I just don't know how to... Im sorry!-..." I begin to speak trough my hiccups and gasps. Garroth just clings to me tighter, "Its okay. I know." He says calmly, like he's not bothered by my annoying crying voice or my tears staining his shirt. Why does he care so much?!

We sit like that, for how long I actually have no idea. But he is quiet. No annoying laughter or mocking. Just me and him merging togheter via our arms. I'm not crying anymore, my head rests against Garroths shoulder and my eyes are closed. I'm relaxing, something I haven't done in a long time. It feels so good, it felt good crying to him. Crying as he embraced me. It felt safe he felt so safe. He has always been that person, the person who made me feel safe. Nothing about how our parents treated me or our teachers were his fault. He didn't know. He was blinded by our fathers expectations, I can't blame him for it. And now I realize only now.

Garroth had always been the golden child.. The perfect child. But what price did he pay for that? Ofcourse, his freedom. He never got to be his own person. Never got to be himself, that's why he's like this now. Why he's so childish. He never got to be a normal child. Because of his role as the golden child. I'm so stupid. I embrace Garroth tigheter now in an attempt to make him feel safe. "Irene.. Im so sorry." I whisper. His head perks up, "For what..?" His voice is still calm and soft, "for being so damn blind. You've always tried your hardest to make me feel good make me feel like I matter. And I never even said thank you, or noticed your attempts of mending our relationship. I'm so sorry Garroth." He tighten our embrace once again. "Maybe, we can both try and be better? You know.." Garroths voice shakes as he buries himself into my shoulder. I just nod because I know if I speak I'd just cry.
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I'm here again, at the table. A sandwich infront of me. I've been staring at it for so long now. But it's diffrent from later, because now Garroths here, by my side. I groan and push the plate with the sandwich away from me. "I'm sorry I just can't today..." I crossed my arms and look away. "Hey its okay! We can try again tomorrow. Admiting your not ready is good, your embracing it. Your doing great Zane." Garroth smiles as he moves the plate away from me. I just nod, but I smile under my mask. God he's so supportive. "Ehm we should head to bed now, night Zane!" He smiles brightly and puts his hands on his hips.

I sigh and look at the clock 23:12 we've been here for 2 hours thats how long it took for me to accept deafet. I kept him awake... for so long. My gaze moves over to garroth again who's already climbing the stairs. "Garroth!" He turns around and looks down at me. "Yeah?" I sigh

"thank you... Big brother."

I can see the excitement in Garroths eyes shine. And he smiles brighter than the sun. This makes my eyes go red in pure embarrassment and I retreat again. "Shut up or I take it back!" I yell. He just keeps smiling "I'm not saying anything!" He puts his hands up defendingly, before he runs up the stairs giggling. That boob... I shake my head and cross my arms. I'm going to be a better brother, one garroth can trust in one he can be true with. I'm going to be a better brother to my.

Big brother.