DISCONTINUED - How can you help me? - Troyler AU

24 - Miserable

Tyler's POV-

I'm miserable. I shouldn't be though, Troye is the best thing that's EVER happened to me, but, even though all I want on this plane ride is to lean on Troye's shoulder, I want to feel independent of myself. To be honest, I don't know what I want. Troye stole my heart, but I want him to know him to know that I am fine without him. It's really complicated. All I need to know is that I love Troye Sivan.

My neck hurts. My stomach hurts. My arms hurt. My legs hurt. Most of all, my heart hurts. Troye dicided he wanted to go to the UK for a about a week before traveling back to Australia. Meaning, while Troye is out with all the British friends, I'm stuck here all alone in my apartment. I want to crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out. I'm sitting here, all alone, with nothing dependent of me. I'm pathetic.

Laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, smelling the depression in the air. I honestly don't know why I am like this. I built myself up to do much, as to wanting Troye. But, as for now, it's all over. The only way I can possibly describe how I am feeling is "leaving me alone and let me cry." I feel helpless, and ungrateful to those friends who tried to fix me.

I miss my social life. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss Troye.. I miss my career.. OH MY GOSH!! MY JOB!! My veiwers!; they must be so worried! They haven't heard for me for two months now.. They deserve to know the truth.

I placed my camera on its tripod, while generously taking deep breaths. I'm ready.

"Hey guys.. it's Tyler.." I sighed.

"Today, I'm sorry I haven't connected to yall, but it's time I tell you.. I'm well.. depressed. I'm saddened. I'm MISERABLE. For the reasons, right now I cannot tell you why,"

I said as tears piled in my eyes, and fell from my cheeks.

"All I can say is, if you realize I'm not as active as I usually am, at least you know why.

Bye guys.. And I don't exactly know WHEN I'll be better.. But hopefully soon." I flicked off the power button and started to cry, clutching a pillow placed on my sofa.

--

!!!!SELF HARM AHEAD!!!!

You always seemed to see these crazy posts on Tumblr about cutting and how people described it as an "indescribable feeling." I decided I wanted to try it. I'm so fed up with relations, friends, family, work, social life, and everything in between. I need a break.

I step my way to the kitchen, where I had gotten the smallest, most sharpest knife I had.

Head down, feet stomping, eyes crying. I made my way to my bedroom's bathroom and sat in the end of my tub.

I had dug the teeth of the knife into my flesh, feeling a temporary relief for everything going on around me. Just for a split second, everything felt heavenly, then, it all went black.

Later that day, a friend by the name of Hannah Hart had come to check up on me, after watching my latest upload.

I could faintly hear her sobs, as she called 911.