Ninth Millennium Navigator

13

The biggest surprise had been Calissa's reaction. 

When Matthias confronted Calissa after Katrina's strip show, Calissa only expressed her disappointment. 

Disappointment in me!

Katrina was in the room at the time of the encounter. Katrina quietly observed Matthias's reaction to the fact that Katrina had told Calissa all. Calissa had wondered sadly at his holding back to the simple request from her own core family. She wondered at his reasoning for refusing to simply undress. She wondered if he had lost the interest in nakedness. She wanted to know why her sister, and not Matthias, had been the one to tell him of the encounter.

Matthias, standing awestruck near the lome entrance, would not have been more surprised had they both undressed at the very occasion to mock him.

Matthias had left the lome to avoid any further interaction with Katrina. That was the only time Matthias could remember fearing entering his own lome. He had waited to sense Calissa's touse in the lome before breaching its walls, hoping that the offending ownerless suit would have found its way home by then. 

He was blindsided not only in Katrina's bold openness, but Calissa's indifference. In the end, it had been he who had fallen into an abyss and ignored his own guidance. He was the fool for not following his own guidelines—acceptance and appreciation...

"Matthias?"

Matthias was in the pseudo dream state that was the penultimate step to deep sleep. He comtemplated whether to return, but the other mind immediately alerted him to it state of awareness.

Matthias was staring at the kaleidoscope of colors rearranging on the ceiling. "Yes."

"Do you ever think of me when you are with Katrina?"

Both were leaving deliberate pauses in the conversation. "How can I think otherwise of sisters."

"That is not what I mean. You know it, Matthias."

"That I do. Let me check what you really mean to say, though." He looked to her. 

At this cue, she also looked to him as they lay side by side. "I think of what lay before me and nothing else. This is true. I aim to please the one I am with—and certainly myself in the process. If that be you, then I think of you. Be it your sister, then your sister. I think of none other. What were you hoping I would say?"

"Oh. That. I expected you to say that."

"But what did you want me to say," Matthias followed immediately with emphasis on the key word 'want', breaking the paused rhythm obeyed until now.

Calissa filled Matthias's unused pause time as though to get the conversation back on track. "I don't know."

Matthias read her eyes, but said nothing.

"Is it bad if I hoped you would think of me?"

"If by 'bad', you are asking if it is wrong, I say no. I think that is truthful and very honest for you to see in yourself. You should appreciate that. On the other hand, if you are hoping that I would do that sometime, then... well, let me reconsider a moment... Actually, it is fine for you to hope that. I have no problem with 'hoping'." 

Matthias quickly added, "You should understand, though, that I will not change. Just as I will always sleep; just as I will never enter the system; just as I will always appreciate my life, I will not change. I will always focus on the woman with me."

"You are honest. I like that in you." At this, she looked away. 

Matthias continued to stare at her dark face, the curves, and the resultant colors and shadows reflecting from it. He wondered if he really wanted the yellow marks to escape his detection.

An amber light indicated someone new was trying to contact Matthias at that moment. He watched the small symbol on the distant wall as he considered the change in thoughts. They drifted from considerations of the curious Calissa and her intriguing locks of hair. 

They landed in his own ponderings about an individual reaching out and baring new sets of subtle secrets. Matthias considered, sporadically, how these clients came to learn of his name and skill. It was one of those intricacies that he never comprehended, or possibly never wanted to. Like the consoles, the acquisition of which was a mystery, he dealt with this unknown regularly and even then, never managed to determine, even by a slip-up or accident, the answer.

He once heard there were circles of parasites that convened. But most parasites, especially his clients, were individualists. As he watched the amber light glow and fade on the backdrop, he decided it was doubtful parasites would attend such social circles. They would not risk admitting their needs or desires to a group. He was the only one to whom they needed to explain themselves; and, even there, little if any explanation was needed or requested. 

Don't be concerned with the origins of things. 

The stream of new clients was steady enough to keep him busy. He rarely turned down opportunities to fulfill his real passion, particularly where the appropriate equipment had been obtained.

For now, the client could wait while Matthias rested with Calissa. Calissa had fallen asleep as revealed by the darting of her round eyes. Matthias thought of letting both minds rest as things were so calm.

Matthias thoughts fell onto the old man that had trained him. Perhaps that man had known the origin of things they manipulated; perhaps he had intended to explain when the time was right. That man had a purpose in training Matthias from the start and had taken Matthias far into the art of navigating the system. 

The end of that relationship had been abrupt and painful for Matthias.

He began to wonder what had become of that gentle white-haired man. Matthias never saw him as a father even when the man treated him like a son. That man deeply wanted a child so badly that he could not restrain his hope; his comments had early on betrayed any notion of hiding this desire. He tried to convince Matthias of this innate desire in all individuals, but Matthias never understood, nor would he understand to this day.

Matthias did understand what the man was willing to show him. He became an apprentice under the gentleman's rock steady mind. He heeded the warnings and recommendations that, to this day, burned brightly as appropriate to guide him on every journey. Matthias learned everything about the console and their capabilities. He learned their limits and their flaws, and identification of faults. He never learned the origin as he never learned the origin of the man.

He never learned the story behind the man. He was so caught up in himself at the time that he did not take time to appreciate him.

Before he knew it, the man had vanished. He did not return when Matthias expected and left Matthias to consider the worst. He had no clear clues about what happened. 

He must have moved on. I must not have given him what he wanted in return. A son.

As much as his active minds considered this, the depths of his minds told him otherwise. Given the 'trade' of the old man, the likely outcomes were dire. The man could have fallen to the catchers. The man could have been killed by a client. 

Matthias as he feared both outcomes equally without prejudice. The disappearance only succeeded in teaching his final lesson from the man: "Watch out!"

The man's final teaching had only emphasized looking forward and not the mysterious origin of things.

Only the story of the old woman haunts me more.

Combined, the couple were his emblematic parents caught up in tragic endings in a world gone awry.