My Universe Beneath the Sky

Chapter 22

Trigger warning: suicide ideation, mental abuse

"Bel, malapit na ang fan meet mo. May sakit ka pa rin ba hanggang ngayon?" Ate Yel asked over the phone.

Mabigat pa rin ang pakiramdam ko but I know I need to move. Hindi na kaya ng brain kong mag isip ngayon. I need to busy myself.

I removed the blanket from my body and slowly sat on the side of the bed. Inayos ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa phone and cleared my throat.

"I'll go to work today. Technical rehearsals ngayon, right?" Mahina kong tanong.

"Oo, Bel. Kaya mo na ba?" I closed my eyes nung maramdaman kong nahilo ako. "Bel?" I heard Ate Yel from the line kaya napadilat na ako ulit. I sighed.

"Yes, Ate. Pasundo na lang po. Thank you."

When I ended the call, I looked at the window of my room. Ang liwanag naman! My head throbbed as the sun's light pierced through my window. I slowly stood up and pumunta ako sa window to close the curtains. Sumasakit lang lalo ang ulo ko sa liwanag.

I walked to the bathroom to get ready for this tiring day. Di pa nagsisimula, pagod na agad ako. I want this to end already.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror after taking a bath. I looked like a different person. My eyes were swollen and I have a dark undereye. Maputla rin ako kung titingnan and I slightly lost weight.

Wala akong gana mag-ayos. Honestly, wala akong gana gumalaw but I need to. I have work. I have prior commitments. Buti na nga rin 'tong may ginagawa ako. Mas nakakapagod atang mag-isip.

I wore a black basic crop tank top and black jogger pants. Hindi na nga ako nag-ayos and nagsuot na lang akong shades and mask.

Pumikit ako agad pagkaupo ko sa van. I know Ate Yel wanted to say something when she saw me pero pinigilan niya ang sarili niya. Ginising na lang niya ako ng nasa venue na kami. They already rented the place for our technical and dress rehearsals today.

"Arabella," Sir Mark called me nung nagkasalubong kami sa hallway. He looked at me seriously pero hindi rin naman niya makikita mukha ko. "We need to talk after your rehearsal."

"Yes po," I replied in a low voice.

Pinakain muna ako ni Ate Yel while waiting for the rehearsals to start. May mga inaayos pa kasi sila sa stage.

"Maputla ka pa," she stated. Nagulat ako when she put her hand on my forehead. "May sakit ka pa, Bel. Uminom ka na ng gamot pagkatapos mo kumain."

Umalis siya saglit para kumuha ng gamot. I looked at the food in front of me. Wala na kong gana. I put down the utensils and pushed forward the food para may space sa table. I rested my head on it, using my arms as a pillow and closed my eyes. I wanna go home already.

I heard someone walked inside the room. Hindi na ako gumalaw because gusto ko pa rin magpahinga. Besides, baka bumalik na si Ate Yel so I didn't bother looking at who it was. Naramdaman kong lumapit siya and put something on the table. It's the medicine na ata.