The Star

4. Rock Bottom.

Mina.

The darkest moments of my life happened half a year ago. I was never the same since the night Kento died. We've known each other since we were kids. We grew up real close even our family too. He was not just my best friend but also the first guy I've ever loved.

That night was the night he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes right away. But our first night together as a couple was cut short by a tragic incident. This was the only night I've asked to have no body guard with me for I was with Kento. I should've done that. There's a great possibility that Kento would still be alive if my body guard was there.

His mom and dad told me to stop blaming myself cause they don't and neither does Kento. They said Kento might be scolding me now if I don't stop blaming myself for his death. That day when we lay him to rest, I cried all day. After his burial I was unable to cry anymore.

The sad truth of him no longer with me is hard to accept. In a blink of an eye I hit rock bottom, feeling an unbearable pain I have never felt before. I'm unable to talk, unable to do anything, It's as if my world stopped revolving, that I stopped living. I even wished I could be with Kento too.

I was living alone, wouldn't answer any call and wouldn't let anyone in. I was just by my bed all day, staring into nothingness. When I'm starving I just eat a spoonful of cereal, that's it.

I was like that for a week. Until one day Dad, Mom, my brother even my cousins Sana and Momo went to my house. They told me my brother had to break my door just to get in. They immediately ran around the house looking for me and was eventually found by Mama. When I saw her, she hugged me and that's when I cried. It was the first time I cried that hard since Kento was buried.

They told me they were all crying seeing me at that state. When I calmed down she ordered my Dad to buy food. Kai, my brother, volunteered to buy instead since there's a ramen store near there. Mama helped me to stand and walk. I was out of energy so she helped me take a bath. My cousins cleaned the house, while Dad had called someone to fix the door.

Once I'm freshened up she guided me downstairs but I was too weak to walk so Kai had to carry me downstairs. He put me on the chair while Mama, who was sitting beside me, fed me. When I started eating all of them seemed to feel relieved. Dad said "You can't live alone at this state. You will be living with us, end of discussion."

They noticed how thin I got looking so unhealthy almost at the brink of death. So that day they moved me back to my parent's house. Momo was the one who planned my everyday diet. She made sure I was fed with healthy food.

A few weeks later I regained my strength. I also hid away from the media.

Another 4 months I regained my body and they said I'm looking better. That's when my parents began to talk to me about my career. My agent and the agency have been talking to them. My parents told me that they both don't want me to go back. That I need to think about it for they fear for my life.

I'm now very much aware of it's negative side. The stalker is still out there. There's still other stalkers too. if they're harmful I'm no longer sure.

It took me few weeks to decide. I thought of the 'what ifs'. Since acting is my passion, what if I just gave it all up and quit, would I be happy?

Money is not the issue. It's about my love for my craft. Knowing what makes me happy. I've already lost one thing that made me happy, I don't think I can afford to lose another one. Acting is my passion. I feel alive whenever I act. I feel inspired whenever people praise my work. I feel honored to be loved by many. So I decided to continue with my career.

I talked to my parents about it, though disappointed, they still respect my decision.

Good thing the agency understands what I've been through. Luckily my last project was done and I was on vacation at the time of the incident. I did lost some pending projects, but some decided to wait for me. Particularly an offer from a different country. The agency declined it but the foreign company is so persistent. When I learned about that foreign company's name and the shows and movies they released, I immediately said yes. My agency asked if I was sure I could handle a big project right away when I just came back. I told them my decision was final.

The filming schedule will begin a month from now. For the meantime, there were still offers for dramas, movies commercials and a lot of interviews. My team had been contemplating whether it'll do good if I agree on an interview.

There were different views on this matter. Some don't want me to do it, some does. I, myself, don't think I'm that strong enough but the idea of letting my followers see the vulnerable side of me, how hurt I was as a result of someone's selfishness and to let them know the negative side of stalking. It could be worth it. But it also means recalling those dreadful memories of losing him.

I need this. I need the distraction so I could move on. To go back to what I've been doing, to make myself busy again. I'll continue to work but put on an act because on the inside, I'm torn apart. I'll never be the same again.