CATHARSIS, jason grace¹ [REWRITING]

𝟬𝟭𝟮. it could only be you

aite ngl this chapter is straight up 39 pages of emotional damage 

TW: suicide implications, death, self-loathing, survivor's guilt, PTSD, generational trauma, toxic relationship, grief, emotional repression, unhealthy mentality, regression to bad habits

this chapter is def heavier than the rest so please take care of yourselves! 

when all else fails, remember i love you <3

note: i have edited this so the comments won't be lined up exactly

‧₊˚♡

AERA WAS SEVEN when she met Luke and fourteen when they started going out. The first thing she noticed about him was his offhanded, laidback demeanor—how he kept perfectly calm when the monsters attacked, how he shrugged off certain topics like his father when it was brought up, how easily he smiled even if it wasn't genuine. And his voice. The way Luke spoke was so passionate, yet detached at the same time, as if he didn't care what people thought as long as he knew what he thought.

For the first month or so, being around Luke was exciting to Aera because she just couldn't catch drift of what the guy was thinking. Because of her family's unpredictability, Aera had grown up being able to read other people's emotions. It was a survival instinct. She secretly made a game out of guessing the meaning behind Luke's micro expressions—what the little changes in his tone of voice or the little smirks on his face meant, and she was rewarded with an addicting sense of satisfaction whenever she got them right.

Luke was like a puzzle Aera could never finish solving because the pieces were always changing and always shuffling; though she liked it. Luke had been interesting from the day she met him and he never disappointed when it came to bringing her some form of entertainment when the routines at camp got too repetitive and draining.

And when they started dating, despite all his flaws, Luke really loved Aera. Like really loved her. Enough for her—or anyone—to go full-blown Narcissus-obsessed-with-his-own-reflection mode.

When they were still in that "will they, won't they?" phase before they became official, Luke did everything in his power to please Aera, starting with finding any and every reason he could to bring her a gift.

A new hairband because "I thought it would look good on you".

A bottle of perfume because "we recruited more demigods."

A bouquet of roses because "the weather's nice."

A skull of a monster with flowers in it just "because".

"I've got the most beautiful girl in the universe on my team," Luke would tell Aera whenever she demanded to know what the occasion was. "Isn't that enough reason to celebrate?"

Beautiful. While she thoroughly loathed that word with a burning passion for restraining her all her life, Aera could instantly see herself getting used to hearing it, so long as it came from Luke's lips. Everything sounded a hundred times more attractive coming from his lips: boring battle strategies, evil orders to take down the gods...

If Luke was anything, he was charming. He was two years older than Aera and the smartest and most mature boy she knew. He was a gentleman, opening every door for her and holding her hand through large crowds. He often vowed to get rid of everyone who stood in her way.