A Novel Made By Mental Asylum Escapees

I drank laxatives and got chased by a man.

You POV

It's a beautiful morning day the light shining upon a small window. You woke up from a night's long rest. You see Laxatives getting lit by the light. "This must be a gift from the gods" You said. You drank the Laxatives. Suddenly you hear a knock at your door. It is a magician asking if you want to see him perform. You declined. "He didn't fall for it. We need to bring out. Hey Arnold Shitzenegger" you overheard. 

Suddenly a man with a Muscular Build cracked your roof to let himself in. The man's skin is Brown colored(And we are not saying African-American). And looks like a Human around 60-80 years of age.  He started trying to grab you with his ungodly sized hands. you dodged his attack. And you ran to the front door. The man followed you sprinting. You are running in the woods. The man is jumping to branches to follow you. A minute of running and you see the man pinned down on the floor. You stopped in a haste. You examined him and noticed that there's an arrow on his chest.  A woman approached you. 

The woman introduced herself "Hello my name is Judge Judy". You introduced yourself. You walked in the woods together. She explained "We have been finding these two in years. Thanks to your skill we we're able to get them before they do anymore shit stealing.". "Shit stealing?" you asked. "Ahh, Yes. Shit stealing. Those scoundrels think they could just take the precious shit of people for fortune.". "Why would they want my shit?" You asked again. "It is because the Natural Human Shit is worth 69 sextillion." She replied. "Ohh..." You said. 

You arrived onto a place that looks like a dome. You went inside it and Judy screamed "Today, We found the Magician. You will be punished for your wrong doings. By a death penalty". Everyone cheered. However, You feel bad for the magician. You dropped in tears saying "I could have stopped this.". "Wait, I could" you said. You sprinted and grabbed the magician. "What are you doing?!" Judy asked. "I'm saving this man." You replied. 

Suddenly you feel someone is holding you, You see the ground getting farther away from you and you can't move. And turned around to Judy who is now floating. "I will take your shit one way or another." Judge Judy said, "No, you cannot" You replied. "Why not?" Judy asked.

"Well... You messed with the wrong person."

Your arms can move now and you grabbed a key from your pocket. You raised the key as high as you could. "おにいーちゃん 　だいすき！" You screamed. Your clothes became a school girl uniform. The skirt is short but enough to cover your crotch. "I graduated top from UwU High School." You said. "Nooooooo!!!!!!" Judy screams as she gets sliced in half. You flied to the oblivion. And the story ends.