Love, Aristotle

chapter 18

Aristotle

I was somewhere else.

In a way, I felt like someone else too. In a different world, a different universe. But the same stars looked back at me.

I was at our spot, but somewhere else. My mind wandered away to everything, trapped in my thoughts.

I didn't understand what was happening to me. It felt as though I was floating and someone else took my place. I watched as she lived. But I could still feel everything. Things were falling apart and I just watched, unable to do anything.

Then I blinked and I was back. The soft wind brushed through my hair, the moon smiled down at me. An endless sea of stars fell over me, shining for a reason.

I was also alone here. Only my thoughts kept me company. But I was okay, I thought. Until earlier today, I overheard dad speaking on the phone with someone.

With her. Hannah. I knew her name now and she wasn't just the woman. Hannah, the neighbour who my mom liked so much.

I couldn't hear much but from what I gathered, something was happening soon. My heart dropped to my stomach at the thought.

What bothered me most was that everything was happening all at once, the world remained in rotation, the sun went down and came back up. Every single day, things were happening, all while my mom was clueless. Another life was being lived behind her back and she didn't even know. I wanted to keep it that way. Picking up the mess for my father, that's what I had to do. The burden was on my shoulders now. He didn't even care.

I guess love made people do things. It changed you, either in good ways or not. Stuff was happening and I could only watch. I could only pick up the pieces, as my family fell apart from the inside.

I had to come here to get a break, hoping to get my mind off of it. Alas, I found myself sitting with my burdens, thinking oceans and oceans filled just with thoughts.

I never understood why he couldn't just tell us. It'd be so much better if he just left. I wouldn't even care that much. I've run out of tears. It was better than betraying mom. Betraying Lorie.

And it wasn't even just that. Other things bothered me.

The things my friends said about Damon. The things Damon did. The recital was coming up soon. Exams were starting. Nightmares had been keeping me awake and I was just so fucking tired.

My nightmares held a meaning, one I couldn't  figure out. They kept me up and dragged me down further. Sometimes I was watching them happen, others I was the one living them.

It was two in the morning. I had driven up here because I had one of the deepest nightmares yet and I needed to be here. Here, I felt more like myself. Looking up at the stars and drinking in their beauty. I saw myself living another life, being someone else. But I was me, just better. Happier.

One day, I'd be out there. Soaring through the sky, for my dreams. The ones I've dreamt of since I was a girl. I smiled at the thought. Up there, everything was better. I felt lighter. No more burdens on my shoulders, weighing down my heart.

I was free.

But here, I wasn't. Not just yet. I couldn't wait for the day I could finally get out of here. Damon and I, we'd go to a place only we knew.

I had big dreams and he believed in me. We had ambition and talent. He was brilliant, he just didn't see it himself. And there were things he saw in me I didn't. Together, we created balance. We had love. One that kept us together even when physically we were not.